visuals

Hey, guys!

Happy spring!

I hope it's spring where you are.

Anyway. Life's been a general mumble-jumble for the last few days, so here's a visual catchup for you, instead of a written one.

Short version:

Had a gig on Thursday, then changed the backgrounds on my phone, always a big thing, and now I'm off to the National to practice (a friend of mine works there and she hooked me up with a PRACTICE ROOM). 

Message of the day: Give up.

Really - Give. Up.

We don't know anything, and we cannot control anything.

The sooner you give up, the sooner you can start enjoying life and just seeing where life takes you. 

Have faith in the good to come, but Just. Give. Up.

Stop fighting the current, give up and see where the forces carry you. 

Adventure, right?

Love, forever and always.

Yours truly.

M.

direction(s)

First of all.
Can I just say.
I know most of this makes me sound like an actual psycho, all this emotional instability et cetera.
BUT. It's not like I'm moaning or whatever because I think it's super nice.
This is just a by-product of what happens when a person undergoes some serious changes.
And these changes are positive!
But GOD it's hard sometimes.
Hard and BORING.
But whatever.
I much prefer being what I'm like right now, than what I was like before.
So I'll take the sh*t parts with a big pinch of salt, and on we go.
**

Well, well.
All this just keeps going up and down and up and down and up and down and up and down.


Same with today.
Everything is up and down.


Mid-April.

God, what/such confusion.


I really want something to hold on to in this current madness.
And so I shall hold on to the idea that this will pass, and the seas will most definitely calm down.



Peace and love.
Yours truly, always.
M.



Two photos below.
One from yesterday, one from this TV show from 2010.

meaning

Making meaning.
Meaning into the meaningless.


I found some today.


I was talking to a friend of mine, about all this.
And all I did was come back to the same conclusion, again and again, that if I and we are VERY honest, none of this has any meaning.
Truly.
At all.


And this is fine, and I accept this.
This is not a matter of changing my mind about this - this is not what I'm after.
I see this as a fact and truth, and I am okay with this.

The challenge now becomes making meaning into the meaningless.

The point is, I accept that it does not have any true meaning, any wider purpose or whatever.
BUT.
The true meaning is doing what we enjoy.
And through this, as a result, exuding our love into the atmosphere.
That's it.
That's all.
The only meaning, in any of this, at all, ever, is just doing what makes our hearts happy.



And so I went to this concert tonight.
It was baroque.
And I felt a want, I felt that I wanted to sing, again, to get up and share and do.
And give.


So this was really something.
It was as if I found a piece of myself I had given away, or something that had got stuck somewhere, in the twigs and thorns, my hemline stuck on some roots, something pulling me back.
And it felt like I got it back.
Like a bit of me flew back into me.


FIND SOMETHING YOU LOVE.
FIND IT, FIGHT FOR IT.
AND DO IT.

It will be the thing that feeds you, and covers you, and protects you, and saves you from drowning.

Find it, look for it, love it.


So I count this as a good day.

Love, always.
Yours true-true-truly.
M.

“I began to realize how important it was to be an enthusiast in life. If you are interested in something, no matter what it is, go at it full speed ahead. Embrace it with both arms, hug it, love it and above all become passionate about it. Lukewarm is no good. Hot is no good, either. White hot and passionate is the only thing to be.”

—	Roald Dahl

accept

Hey, guys.

So.

Today has been a day of Acceptance.

It feels like I've finally given in to the flow of the wider universe, the constant motion of life.

Not gonna lie, it feels like giving up in a way..

But I think this feeling exists in a way which in the long run will only serve me towards the positive end. 

However, right now, it feels a little.....hopeless.

Correction: very hopeless.

I guess the point is, we give up, stop fighting all the goddamn time, Accept what Is.

And then, sure, a little hopelessness is fine. I effectively have just created a void of some kind, y'know?

However, now it's up to me to fill it.

Fill this void.

With Love, inspiration, and kindness.

The space which was filled with fighting and holding on, is now empty. 

Acceptance and Accepting makes new space.

Creates new space.

Which today, right now, right here, feels EMPTY.

Emptiness, void void void.

Dark matter.

But this is okay.

This is okay.

Let go of what was.

Be grateful for what is.

And have hope for what is yet to (be)come.

The third one has to now become a huge priority.

I have chosen this direction, I've started discovering and searching and looking and questioning, and the "stop" button doesn't exist.

So all I can do is hold on, keep my focus, ride my wave, and have hope for what is yet to Be.

Oh, and definitely have to give praise where praise is due for how far I've got.

So, here's to you, Acceptance!

I've met you, I'll keep you and the stuff that's gone - well, I'll replace it with something that gives me FORZA VITALE - life force.

Peace and love.

I hope wherever you are, whatever you are doing, however far you still have to go - that you always have someone to turn to for guidance, a hug, or just company.

A shared life.

With love, always.

M.

tln

And so I'm officially back in Tallinn!

And writing on my laptop. Gosh, it's been so long!

So.
Happy Monday evening, everyone!

The three first concerts have gone extremely well.
Full houses and crazy great audiences.
And the program is so good, I absolutely love doing it.

Now I have 5 days till we have the next 3 concerts (2 on Saturday, one on Sunday) and then we're done!
It'll be so so sad!
I'll miss this bunch of people.
It has already been such a learning experience.

Seriously.
Life makes my head spin.
In the most wonderful way.
But I feel a little like a 5 year old who is spinning just a little too fast.
This feeling of great joy, and a little bit of fear, at toppling over.
But I guess even if my head starts to spin too much, and I do topple over, I will have people to gimme a hand, help me off the ground, and laugh it off.
So again, I always get back to this one point.
Fear is human.
Fear is natural.

Happy 3AM, everyone.
I've got too many thoughts.
Love to all of you.

Yours truly.
M.

how-to

My simple how-to for cheering myself up?

AC/DC and green tea, with jasmine.

Seriously, the riff of Back in Black is just unbeatable.
Just as a thing, and then thinking of it in Iron Man.
I mean, this just cannot be beat.

It's like the instant-coffee of cheering myself up.

Also.
I never talk inspirational women.
Helen Mirren, though, guys.
You know.

Helen Mirren.

Peace out, and I hope you're having an excellent Thursday.
Happy whatever.
Happy anything/everything to you.

With love and light.
Yours truly.
M.

MUSIC

Oh my JESUS what new FRESH music does to me!
My spleen has been doing an excited dance for a few hours now!
And it's SO NICE.
Hello, spring, hello, doing things, and hello, no fear.

I'm waking up, I feel it in my bones
Enough to make my systems blow
Welcome to the new age, to the new ageI'm Radioactive, Radioactive

Radioactive.
M.

hey guys

Today is Nanny-day!
My nephew is getting here soon and my desire to be an awesome auntie always kicks in.
I don't know what we're going to do yet, but I sure know he's gonna have fun!

Also, any day when it appears that I have a lot of hair on my head is automatically a good day.

And so, I'm gonna turn the Nanny wheel and see what I come up with.
And I started some interesting drafts late last night which I plan to finish today.

PS, had a very unexpected dream. You know when someone arrives in your dream and you wake up in the morning going "WHERE did you come from?" But it was a nice dream so no harm done.

With love.
M.

spring

My mega Soviet romantic nostalgia photo, from yesterday.

I love it.
It reminds me of my childhood.
I like the sharp lines (maybe that's why I'm a fan of them anyway).
(And no, it doesn't actually look like that, the suburbs are really green.)

Just so much sky.

Happy spring.
M.

anthem

so loud

My constant anthem.
And one of the 3000 Maria songs that sometimes people holla at me.
(Blondie is still number 1, I think.)

Representing being way too much all the time, since 1989.

Du-du-du-dudu-du-du-duu.
M.

wild

Spring's coming, so it's time to run, really fast, and far and wide, and free.

Seriously.
Time to run wild.

Open up.
M.

freaking out

Today is Sunday. I'm leaving on Wednesday.
I am freaking out.

In other news, we had another super fun day today. (Yesterday consisted of good lunch and gaming at my old friend's house.)
We started off being really useful and got stuff done. Then went for some coffee. Came home, went for bowling (I won, yay!) And then came home to eat stuff in our den (yes, we built a den yesterday) and watch BAFTAs.

And now I've realised that when I wake up tomorrow, it will be "I'm moving the day after tomorrow" which is freaking me out.

The massive saving grace of this evening is the fact that J. decided to give me her jumper that says "YAY!" on it, which I think is pretty fitting. And apparently it works really well in either inappropriate or really stupidly stupid situations, or just in a crap mood.
And I love this jumper.

Happy Monday morning that's around the corner. 
M.

interesting

Interesting things are interesting.

Muriel Rukeyser, "The universe is made of stories, not of atoms." 

http://www.dailydot.com/culture/wirrow-tiny-stories-art-influences-interview/

Tell stories. 
M. 

external

So.

Don't pay attention to the external b*llshit someone might come out with.
About you, or your life, or your choices, or morals, or appearance, or anything at all.

I read some comments on this article about me that was in the papers over Christmas. A tiny little story, basically, talking about my typical day.
(Also, there were like 70% positive, 30% negative comments.)

So.
Two questions.
One. Why did I read them? Reading those comments only ever knocks my otherwise decent self-belief and confidence. Makes me doubtful. Makes me question my value and the value in my choices. Ugh.
Okay, I know this sounds dramatic but seriously! The comments are just so like, personal. And just nasty. So why read them? No one knows.
Two. Why care? This is the big one. Why care? Why care about what these people have to say? This is based on nothing. Nothing at all. They don't know me, know anything about anything to do with me. So why care?
And this goes for other situations are well. So often we just get hung up on what "he said, she said". Which just doesn't matter. I mean, seriously? We have like what, under 10 people in our lives that we actually trust and respect and listen to and turn to for advice? So why are we affected by the rest of the external voices?
If someone has time to criticise someone else, and base their chat on nothing, then I mean, come one, they honestly need to re-address their lives.

So, no thanks.
This is about me.
This is about you.
Silence.
Shush.
This is not their life.
These are not their decisions.
So take some time to listen to you. If in doubt, ask the people you truly trust and respect for help, or guidance, or a hug, you know.

Apart from that, listen to you.
Listen to your gut.

Do yoga and kick the bad thoughts out, just out the window, see you later.

Be honest, be kind and be brave.
And take good care of yourself.

With love.
M.

fitness talk

Just completed a work-out with J.
It was one of her exercise DVDs based on the HIIT (high intensity interval training) principle.
I use intervals in my workout a lot, whether it's running or whatever, so I thought I'd do well with this DVD.

Wrong.

I didn't do well, at all.
I did complete the workout but this is the thing.

First of all, it is not enough to warm-up for 4 minutes. 
I'm sure the people who have created this DVD are professionals but this just goes to show that not everything suits everyone.
For me, this is absolutely not enough. Okay, I understand if I'd be in a rush and I have to get a work-out in, or whatever. But I mean, I'm very happy to work-out, thanks! And it's not a huge priority "just to get it over with".
So note for the future - keep taking time for warming up.

Second. I like stretching other body parts than my legs.
Same thing really. 4 minutes to stretch. You've just put your body through quite a thing, you know! I mean, high intensity is HIGH intensity. So surely your body deserves more than 4 minutes to relax and wind down. Besides, there's so much more to stretching than the legs. But it was literally, all leg angles, and then, shake it off. What? What am I "shaking off"? What about the back and sides and arms and shoulders? Just, what?

HIIT is great, but make sure you understand how your blood-pressure works!
I'm one of the people who just has high blood-pressure. It loves getting sky-high and very quickly. So I need to work on maintaining a middle-to-high pulse rate. This is very individual for different people. Whatever it is, make sure you are aware of it. I'm still currently sat on my ass, trying to recover.

HIIT is awesome as part of working out. Intervals in general are great, high or medium intensity.

But please, give your body time to warm-up, make sure you then feel warmed up (especially if you live a sedentary life style), and then same with the cool down, to make sure you feel good before the workout, then have the power to push yourself and have a good hardcore workout and then to feel good again afterwards.

And as always, all I know is what I've done and tried myself.
I'm gonna go eat an orange.

And I hope you're having a lovely Monday!

Raise the pulse.
M.

10,000

Thanks for the pageviews, guys!

I hope my moving drama is not too boring, and I hope to lighten up soon.

Lots of looove.
M.

And to celebrate, here's a photo of my 3 rolls of bubblewrap and 2 rolls of tape. Yayy!

oh, joe.

SD

"I'd rather be dressed up, than dressed down."
M.

oh, and..

..here's just an image of Kim Kardashian, having been dressed up as Betty White, by Betty White.

I mean, what.

So good.





Betty White.
M.

hat and snow day!

So I always find that after I've changed my hair, either cut it or dyed it, I wake up the next day thinking "is this ACTUALLY nice?"
Especially the times when I've done it myself.
Like yesterday.
So this morning was one of those.

But luckily I'm still pleased with having a whole bunch of hair in the bin and not on my head anymore.
Also, can I just say, the joy that I feel for being able to have some of my hair in front of my face is unbelievable.

It's snowing fairly decent amounts today. And because it's -2 the snow is actually staying with us.
And therefore I've declared today a snow-day!
And a hat-day!

Happy Hat and Snow Day.
M.