healing

I have a cold.
And it's bad.
So I'm in bed, drinking tea and trying to get rid of this nose blockage, somehow.

I googled this article about the emotional implications of illnesses.
I strongly believe that the huge huge majority of all kinds of ills we have are brought about through things in our lives, stresses, problems, whatever.
So this is what I found.

COLDS:Too much going on at once. Mental confusion and disorder.
AFFIRMATION:I allow my mind to relax and be at peace. Clarity and harmony are within me and all around me.
And in this instance, it's so right.
Confusion and disorder and so many things.
So here I am, with my cold.
But I plan to kick it out the door soon.

Love to all of you!
I hope you're embracing this spring, hardcore!

Peace.
Yours truly.
M.

writing

I feel I have something to write about.
And I'm feeling so grateful that this feeling exists.
So grateful.

Firstly, this week and the triple bill of soul-shaking theatre has been ridiculous.
And I really hope it shook something loose.
Since I have a feeling there is something to write about it must have changed something.

I'm watching Louis Theroux's documentaries.
Now, if you do not know who this man is, please please do look him up!
His documentaries are great.
And he takes it all face-value.
As much as one can.
With an open heart and he just listens to the people.
But he does find the strangest topics.
Fascinating.

And I want things!
I want to go to India, go to Goa, go see and grow and go open up.
But this is not the time yet.
It would hit me too hard.
The time is later on, but I will do it.
Really, really, really, really, really.



And yes, I think, yoga this week with Pisces.
She mentioned her place at some point, and I need something to balance my mind.

I also decided not to do this competition thing later in November.
Not the time.

I mean.
This bit in my life is all about the shaking loose.
Therefore - I should move more.
I need to shake loose, all the emotions.
All of it.

And also.
This photo below is beyond my means of description.
The shadows.
The shapes.
If I would ever have to approach a naked woman in a sexual context, I would pass out.
How do you even begin, to approach this?
This form.
Also, this photographic example just popped up on tumblr.
It's not the details necessarily.
It's the Thing.
The Female being as such.

And when women don't value themselves, it makes my skin crawl.
It is so widespread, it makes women seek value where there is none to be found.
And also it wrecks so many children, and then the men.
And I'm not talking relationships, but a step before, the first source of Love.
The Mother.

Oh, women.
Seriously.

Nope, cannot.
Lack the vocab.




And so.
Happy Saturday, my dears.
It's such a world we live in.

And can I just say, Dalai Lama.
Compassion.
This is all we need.
Nothing else comes into play, at all.
Just compassion.

Be kind.
Yours truly.
M.

close

October closes, and November has arrived.

And it's always like that in life.
One end marks a new beginning.
Circle circle circle.


I will get somewhere when I reach freedom in my voice.
That's when I'll get somewhere in my life, my career, I'll get into it.
I'll get into the sphere and the space I want to be in.
I'll get into the light and the depth.
That's when I'll open up, fully, and carry on from there.
So next stop, careless abandon.
The fearless freedom.

Only god knows what I'll do then.
Or what I'll sound like.

Becoming more myself.

And I want to have a heart that never hardens.

And also, how can anything change or happen when I can't get to know me.
Or like, if I can't get to the point where I feel like I know myself.
So me and me.
The age of me and me.

All the things I've felt today.
Over-whelmed mostly.
But hey, bottomline, I've felt.
So that counts for something.

Yours truly.
Love and light.
M.

monologue

(Excuse the language.)
(Didn't wanna delete it though. It adds to the tone.)

[2/24/2013 10:42:40 PM] ML: oh yes
[2/24/2013 10:42:49 PM] ML: f***ing jesus. this is gonna be so weird
[2/24/2013 10:42:56 PM] ML: F**K i want to work in theatre
[2/24/2013 10:43:41 PM] ML: so why not?
[2/24/2013 10:44:04 PM] ML: lol, i just had an internal A. go - well whats the f***ing problem then ASSHOLE? (less aggressive than that but you know)
[2/24/2013 10:55:48 PM] ML: okay
[2/24/2013 10:56:02 PM] ML: emotions. lots of fear. that i would like to "release" into the universe. and replace with excitement, thanks.
[2/24/2013 10:57:23 PM] ML: i hope youre sleeping. im still gonna carry on
[2/24/2013 10:57:40 PM] ML: f**k this is so exciting
[2/24/2013 10:59:50 PM] ML: i might vomit
[2/24/2013 11:00:51 PM] ML: i havent been this excited in so long. and i will do my f***ing utmost not to bury this under "expectations" and "fear" and "brand" and "image"

[2/24/2013 11:02:06 PM] ML: and i will write this monologue down


I've come back to the drawing board, and this idea is always there.
Always.
So why not.
I always say this, but these things take time.
As long as we are talking, and thinking, it is fine.

Yours truly.
M.

done

This week is finally over.

I'm so pleased.

Re-cap.
Did some TV recording stuff, then some rehearsals, put together a programme for this school/education concert thing, had two of those on Friday, also saw some theatre, had some interesting emotions, and consequential thoughts, then a great catch-up with M-L, and then a good night out.
And it's done, and I'm so so pleased.

Onto the next one.

Love.
M.