birthday

Tomorrow is my birthday.
I'm turning 24.

And I like it.
So, sleep tight, sweets.

With love.
M.

phantom

And they arrived.

The "Phantom of the Opera" audition music is in my inbox and I'm literally DYING. Like, DYING.
With excitement and I don't even know what!?

Total
oh
em
gee


I will write more about this later.
For now, I'm just gonna repeat.

OH
EM
GEE

And A's arriving tomorrow morning.
And I just finished a loooad of macarons with dad+Mrs.

OH

EM

GEE



Devil doesn't play fair. 
M.


Like I'm going to diiiiieee with excitemeeenntnttttntntntnnntntnt. (Hello, audition! Thine ass will be kicked. Please, wish me steady nerves and the rest!)

anthem

so loud

My constant anthem.
And one of the 3000 Maria songs that sometimes people holla at me.
(Blondie is still number 1, I think.)

Representing being way too much all the time, since 1989.

Du-du-du-dudu-du-du-duu.
M.

change

Patterns.
We need them, they are in our veins because it is simply good for survival.
But sometimes our human nature doesn't understand whether a pattern is good or bad. A pattern is a pattern and if you repeat it enough times, it becomes us.

It's good to notice patterns. Some of them we could do without, others are quite useful.
But I think it makes life a whole bunch easier and more satisfying in the long run to recognise our own patterns.
Patterns of speech, patterns of behaviour, emotional patterns that we sometimes believe is actually our "character". This is messy work at first, but doable.

Of course you can ask, why? Why would anyone want to do this?

For those who are really truly inherently happy with the way your lives are going and your everyday being, the answer is, you don't need this, and feel free to scroll down.
However, from personal experience, I was doing well and I was "fine", but then I decided "fine" isn't good enough. I want to live my life in a way that makes me feel that I'm in the drivers seat.
Of course there are other people in this traffic madness, so I will simply never know everything. But when it comes to me, and my decisions, I now know they are mine. Not habit, not safety, not what I'm used to.

Noticing our own patterns eradicates this sense of "someone" being mean to us, or "life being unfair" or "fate dealing a crap hand". This external force that (it sometimes feels) we are fighting against becomes much more manageable, and not so gloomy and vast. Yes, life is unfair, and yes, sometimes the universe does deal a very very crap hand. But now it's our turn to play those cards and could still come out on top.

So for those of you who feel that you could be better at being you, go for it.

After all, that's what spring is for.

With love.
M.

an actual post

THEY ARRIVED!
My boxes, guys! They arrived!

Oh my heavens, this feeling of having my things in the same space, creates this incredible atmosphere.
It sounds pretty ridiculous, so simple, so shallow, but honestly, it's not.
It's not about the things, it's about the fact that my life and everything it entails is syncing. The halves are here in the same space as me and it feels so glorious.
It feels like I have dropped the anchor and so I can now stand still, near the harbour, for just a day. Enjoy some sunshine and eat the local food.
Then drag it up again, adjust the sails, and go.

But no one can go forever, without that day near the harbour. That day of sunshine, sea food and tanned faces. Seashells, waves, dancing girls and stray cats. No one. You have to have that day.
So I am having that day.
With all my stuff, here, in my room, right now.

YAYAYYAYAYYAYYAYYYAYYYAYYAYAYAYYYYYYYYY!

Yes.

Take that day. 
M.

clear out

Today I am being productive and doing something that I've been putting off for a while - the "big clear out".

My boxes should be arriving from LDN today so I'm equally super excited but also aware that I was to make a lot of space. So I'm just sorting through all my belongings in TLN to see whether I actually need any of them. And so far so good.
The bin bags are filling and it honestly feels like it's easier to breathe.

And of course my favourite t-shirt with Edward Cullen is helping me out.
Thanks, clothing item.

Make your own air.
M.

bread exchange

and the Wonderful, Wonderful Malin.
http://thebreadexchange.com/

This is another one of my blog recommendations.

Malin is this Swedish young woman, currently living somewhere in Germany. And basically, she started this project called the Bread Exchange.
She started making bread just for banter at home, but as she was trying out so many new things and experimenting a lot she had loads of left-over bread, which she started giving to her friends. Her friends in return would give her...little things, whatevers, homemade jam, or write a poem, or offer to fix her bike.
In short, this grew into a network of people involved in the Bread Exchange.

It is so simple.
Malin makes bread. Posts where she will be (she travels a lot with her job) and then people can set up a meeting with her.
Malin will bring bread.
In return, you can make her or give her anything at all, whatever you want.
Everything, except money.

Her blog is a wonderful wonderful mix of her journey and the journey of Bread Exchange, with awesome photos from her travels.
And Malin herself comes across simply as a truly wonderful being.

"Everything is not for sale."
M.

Photo from the bread exchange blog.

wolf

The wolf has truly become my animal.
And a symbol.

I'll write more about this soon.

i
am
wolf

Nordic Grey. 
M.

my visuals

So far, so good.
These are just a few photos from the past few days.

Sunday was the Estonian Independence Day so a big national celebration here. And so me, and dad+Mrs went to see the flag raised at sunrise (7:33am) and then because I am just so full of good ideas we ended up going for breakfast at like, just before 8am. Pancakes, juice and coffee. And had some really lovely chats.

And then today, because it was sunny, I wore sunglasses (E. reminded me of this option. And that suited me juuuuuuuuuuuuuust fine.)

(And there's two more pictures from Sunday. One is this fit chocolate cake I made, that had our "Tall Hermann" tower on it. So proud of my artistic flare, a la mothertrucking icing sugar. And I loved mum's table setting colours so papped that too.)

Visuals. 
M.

inspire

Maria's Inspirational Woman, number 2.

Tara Stiles.

She is a yoga instructor living in the US and has the most amazing Youtube channel. She shares yoga routines, answers questions and helps you work on poses, but also general life advice, inspirational ideas and recipes. So a perfect combo, for me at least.
There is something incredibly grounded about her which is why I really really like her very much. Something very grounded and simple. Her energy is just right for my wave-length or something.

This is her new project with Reebok. A really short video but the questions are interesting.

And if you like this, definitely check out her channel.
Good night, sweets.

Who made the rules. 
M.

spring

Spring is coming, it's official.
The sun was so hot yesterday. And it's sunny again today.

I might actually go to town today, and stare some sunshine in the face (..ps, I did do that, and it was so nice. The pretty one came and picked me up, and we had some pasta in sunny sunny Vapiano.)

Crazy what sunshine does.

Embrace the rays.

With love.
M.

PS. I JUST CAN'T WAIT :)

theatre

jesus
jesus
jesus
jesus
jesus
jesus
jesus


I want to have my hands and forearms elbow-deep in theatre.

Elbow
Deep

pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease.
M.

visuals

eesti

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MY COUNTRY.

Roots, roots, roots.
Thank you, universe, for roots, that keep us grounded and in touch with the core of all that matters. To know where to return and to know where to go to charge your batteries.

For the soil, the sea, the culture.

Palju õnne, Eesti.

Home.
M.

weird

What a strange day.

Strange.
M.

les fleurs

Again that time of year when my love for fresh flowers starts taking on a pretty central place in my heart.
I don't need to have them cut and placed into a vase in front of me, but just having them around (even if it's photos) reminds me that spring comes, it always does. And if all else fails, spring will come.

Which truly truly truly is one of my favourite thoughts.
M.

blackbird, fly

I don't know why but this song fixes something. Whatever the fracture, this fixes it.

Into the light
of the dark black night

And fly.
M.

seriously

This is getting ridiculous.

RIDICULOUS.
M.

yoga

I really miss moving.
(Moving my body, not moving country.)

I go through periods of not doing anything at all, because I get too busy, or too stressed, or too this, or too that, blah blah blah, so basically periods of lots of crap excuses.

But I've got to the stage of just missing moving for itself. 
Moving, and yoga, and tea.

Little things.
M.

good times

And my happy food shop.

Found these old shots from LDN, but they are just so happy.

Yums.
M.

next

Just to say,
I'm ready for my next tattoo.

Tattoos.
M.

duchamp

http://www.barbican.org.uk/duchamp/home

Fascinating mini-doc about Duchamp. Honestly fascinating and honestly mini.

Art? 
M.

choose

I think we have a choice.
Or at least I have decided I want to have a choice.

Either to live my life according to the ingrained calling of the Nordic logic, of pre-plan everything or imminent death and starvation through lack of crops and cold will arrive.
Or the way of the warmer, damper parts. You can plan, but you can also wait. Because there's fruit and there's heat. So you won't die.

"Life is a privilege, not a right."
(The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel.)

And we are in charge of shaping how we see this privilege, how we shift and form it. Whether we have time or not, to stop and maybe look, and enjoy, and be.
Because if the only thing you're concerned with is the next step and the step after that and the one after that, you'll end up missing the entire journey.

And where is the sense in that.

I choose south.
Take time, my darlings. Because that tricky f*cker can sometimes steal away, and really quietly.

Infinite possibilities. 
M. 

stuff

There's a chance that my stuff is arriving soon!
We're talking like a week. This would be such a load off my mind. At the moment it just feels like my poor boxes are hovering somewhere around the other end of Europe. And it's just so not pleasant.

So YAY! I really hope the rest of this runs smooth.

Boxes. 
M.

nature

“Happiness is your nature. It is not wrong to desire it. What is wrong is seeking it outside when it is inside.”

—	Sri Ramana Maharshi

5 years of blog

Happy birthday, my blog!

5 years ago on the 19th of February I wrote my first blog post on this address.
And it was so very different.

The first post was called "raindrops and moonlight", and back then I was writing in Estonian.
I was feeling unwell and reading some Estonian poetry.
Not very different, apart from just how melancholic the tone is. Just crazy, imagining thinking like this now.
I'm ecstatic to realise that some of the things I really yearned for back then, I've reached by now. Kudos, self.
And I was eating this chocolate. I think dad sent it from home.
And I was looking forward to the arrival of spring.

So some things never change.
M.

wild

Spring's coming, so it's time to run, really fast, and far and wide, and free.

Seriously.
Time to run wild.

Open up.
M.

brutal

How one woman can be such a force of nature, just absolutely beats me.

Björk.
M.

cleanse

i am going to cleanse my space
which is what i'm currently doing

This was never ever a priority (I think I've mentioned this before). (I'm pretty sure I have, actually.)
But now because I feel that my mind's so much clearer and less cluttered I actually feel that I want the space around me to echo that.
So all of my hands on deck for this mission.

Cleanse.
M.