sell all the things

Tomorrow, Saturday, it's time for a huge huge vintage/2nd hand sale in Tallinn!
And Spanish and I have bought a table to get our hands wet with the buying and selling madness.

So currently my room is in a state unlike any other, because for the first time in 7 years I have all my clothes in the same place and out at the same time.
But I'm powering through!

Gotta wash, gotta dry, gotta pack 'em - and then I'm all ready for tomorrow!

First wash (whites) is on.
Next on the agenda is putting the to-keep items into boxes, which will stay in my room.
And the rest of the stuff into the suitcase and huge Ikea bag.
I'm thinking of making "spring/summer" and "autumn/winter" signs, so it's easier for the people to browse through.
I think that would help.
And we're also planning on getting some biscuits - I'd rather haggle eating biscuits, than not, y'know.

Getting this done will be a big thing for me.
It's been on the want-to-do list for so long, and it will mark another step towards the place I wish to get to.

And I will.

Website handy in English.
http://kirbufestival.telliskivi.eu/en/


Gosh, I want to get to the end of this.

Yours truly.
M.


(Doutzen forever in thr backdrop haha)

Saturday

..and it continues.

Saturday was scaffolding day!

The morning started with the last one of my Flower-valley (Lilleoru) lectures. Which was so dense.
And I think that in my head I was already back in Tallinn preparing the gig.
So I took notes but I need to work through all of it.
But the day was absolutely beaut so it was delicious being there.

Then 7 hours of wisdom later mum and I drove back, straight to the church.
Some getting ready time, a quick rehearsal with the pianist, learning some last words.
And then off we went!


I'm so pleased we did this.
And it was so good.
The feedback was so super, like truly super. I was so surprised just how much it had touched people, including my own friends.
And I hadn't done a big project in so long, so in terms of person accomplishment this day was huge, for me.

Also, through this project I found an idea that I want to carry with me and share for a long long time:
That beauty will remain if we share with one another. (Crap translation on my part. "Üksteisega jagades jääb ilus püsima" in Estonian.)
The idea that everything fades, if we don't share. This applies to values, language, culture, ideas, beliefs, memories, stories and heritage. Share. Share with your friends with your families.
Tell them stories, show them photos, but share.
Because I've realised I don't believe in much else than just the beauty of this world, life and planet.
So share.

And then Saturday night brought more circus.

I went out, everywhere, with my backpack.
Saw the girls, sat with some friends, and then at 4AM met the Spanish one for a trip to Privé. Which was circus. Let's just say a whole session of "Dirty Dancing: Havana Nights" ensued and it was just ridiculous ridiculous jokes.

The Saturday night ended on Sunday at 9pm (?!...I rate us highly), in Vapiano, with two bear shaped pizzas.

Complaints?

NONE.
M.

magnify

So.
This is going to be simple.

We need to spend more time magnifying our successes.

If we don't, who else will?

The little things that others won't notice.
The things only you know really matter, I mean, really matter, at the very root of your being.
Those things.
And magnify success, not your setbacks.

I mean, why do we do that anyway?
Why wouldn't we magnify the good things? I mean, why?

So the aim of the week, or the month, or the aim of spring, or the whole year, is to magnify it.

MAGNIFY.
M.

balance

Unproductive Friday alert.

I think the thing is that my decisions are finally sinking in.
The fact that I'm here in TLN, that I'm home, and that I have no clue about anything - that is finally sinking in.
And of course rationally I know this is super positive. And super brave.

But on the other hand, I am so used to living my life according to plans and schedules and deadlines and goals. Which is good. But if you start following goals for the sake of following goals things become very hollow.
So no more goals for now. Personal goals yes, career goals, I'm going to calm down. Or have already calmed down.

And so, it is sinking in. This new, completely alien way of being and breathing and thinking. And these things come in waves, as always.
This is the way it always goes.
It gets easier, it gets harder, then it gets easier again, this is the way the cookie crumbles.

But for some reason riding the wave this time is harder than before.

What I really want is to find a place, get away and find peace. Re-find the peace and balance.

But.
Spring is coming.
And with spring comes the ideal time to melt. And melting is hard.
So I will keep my eyes on the prize and I will keep my belief that things will get better.
Because that is all anyone can do, ever.

I hope you're peaceful and balanced and having a lovely sunny Friday.

Melt.
M.

ourselves?

Okay, so I've been thinking about this for a while now.
And had this draft written but never finished.

I think this started when I was thinking of this idea of "working hard" at something. I've always been proud of the fact that if I want to do something or want to get something, I work hard.
Which is great and fine.
However, what if we're working hard at things that just don't deserve it?
Or things which will not bare fruit, because they don't have the potential?


We should all aim at and try to have enough respect for ourselves to recognise the time to walk away.

Often the need to work hard at something is emphasised, over and over and over, and over, and over again. As if the process has inherent value, regardless of the end.
Fine.
I get it.
It's good to work hard, and it will get you places.
But.

Sometimes things just run out of inertia and what happens then?
They come to an end.
Simple as that.

So I really hope, that when the time is right, you and I will have enough bravery to recognise the "stop" point. To say "thank you, this was great", and to walk away.
From anything at all - actual and tangible, or mental, anything.
Anything in your life.
Jobs, ideas, friends, partners, hair colour, your favourite pants, or the city you live in.
Anything at all.

Because at the very very very end of the day, this is your one life, and your own happiness. No one else's.
And even if holding on seems like a brilliant idea, it's not.

So I really hope you have the courage to recognise when it's time to walk away from something.
I'm really trying to start understanding which is which.

As ever.
With love.
M.