what do I want from MYSELF

Hello.

So, the question is - what do I want from ME.

I know what other people would like.

But, hey Maria - what would you like from Maria?

Why thanks for asking.

I'll get back to you when I give myself the time to actually understand that.

In other news, today was good.

Awesome lesson.

Helen is awesome.

And now I'm going to play my word search game and then sleep.

Good night, darlings.

Oh!

And I chopped my hair off.

Myself.

Yours truly.

M.

if you really love a writer

“Everyone wants to give a writer the perfect notebook. Over the years
I’ve acquired stacks: one is leather, a rope of Rapunzel’s hair braids its
spine. Another is tree-friendly, its paper reincarnated from diaries of
poets now graying in cubicles. One is small and black as a funeral dress,
its pages lined like the hands of a widow. There’s even a furry blue one
that looks like a shag rug or a monster that would hide beneath it—and
I wonder why? For every blown-out candle, every Mazel Tov, every
turn of the tassel, we are handed what a writer dreads most: blank
pages. It’s never a notebook we need. If we have a story to tell, an idea
carbonating past the brim of us, we will write it on our arms, thighs,
any bare meadow of skin. In the absence of pens, we repeat our lines
deliriously like the telephone number of a parting stranger until we
become the craziest one on the subway. If you really love a writer, fuck
her on a coffee table. Find a gravestone of someone who shares her
name and take her to it. When her door is plastered with an eviction
notice, do not offer your home. Say I Love You, then call her the wrong
name. If you really love a writer, bury her in all your awful and watch
as she scrawls her way out.”

—	If you really love a writer; Megan Falley

This is spectacular.
The idea, the writing.

Spectacular.
M.

cinematography

Buzkashi boys.

Link to the trailer.
http://vimeo.com/34778382

I just love films.
Films about something else.

Buzkashi.
M.

interesting

Interesting things are interesting.

Muriel Rukeyser, "The universe is made of stories, not of atoms." 

http://www.dailydot.com/culture/wirrow-tiny-stories-art-influences-interview/

Tell stories. 
M. 

sometimes

Sometimes people tell the truth.


Trust them.
M.

"the sun and the stars"

do we have time
to go for the sun and the stars
like
do we have any time
at all

should we ever think we have the time
but maybe we do
so let yourself burn
and let others burn too

because whether there's a lot
or a little
point is
time flies

With love.
M.

52

52 days left of 2012.
fifty
two
days
a lot of days that is


These past couple of years and this one included are turning out to be big ones. Not anything particular, just personal developments of all kinds.

I realised I hadn't challenged myself in so long
(so that's why I'm now supplying challenges left, right, and centre.)
(...not really that many. just enough to get some inertia going)


mistakes.
making mistakes
and learning from mistakes
...mistakes are good.


Also. Like, "am I proud of myself", is an interesting question. 
So often the pride-o-meter is applied by us from an outside angle. I used to be terribly concerned with whether person A is proud of me, or person B, and so forth. 
This is fine.
But I mean, what about me? What about you? What about, "are we proud of ourselves"?


Pride. 
Pride is an interesting one.
Taking pride in what you do.
Pride is one of the Seven Deadly Sins. (This is somewhat beside the point, just an interesting digression.)

Measuring myself according to my own scales of pride, not someone else's.



Failing, as well.
What is that about? This fear of failure b*llshit?
It is so common, but also, such a massive load of crap.
Failing at what? And why should anyone be scared?
(Please note that I'm talking here more about myself than anyone else.)
(And I'm also going to come back to this topic, soon.)
There's a thing, a way of working out, apparently, called "Failing".
So the point is, you do something until you physically "fail" - your body gives out.
You don't count.
You don't measure the distance.
You go till you fail.
You go till you go.
I'm not going to go into the physical benefits of this or the lack of, that's for other people to discuss who know much more about this, but.
The reason I find this interesting is that failing itself becomes a thing. A thing that is fine, all the time. Not THE thing you fear most.
You workout, till you fail. Only to workout again, to fail, again.
It sets up quite a healthy relationship with the term.
So, let's fail.
And then fail again.




so Yoga Neil and Mermaid A. will rave through the universe, only drinking shots, with REALLY great abs. 
drunk and fit. rowdy, a little slutty and SO MUCH FUN.

you will eat msg noodles and be great at tap and swimming and riding,

i will eat tubs upon tubs of icecream and i'll be good at yoga and kickboxing.

we will create fear and chaos in the heart of every swede and Adam Levine (RHYME HO) and it will be glorious.

Chaos and Mayhem, + abs.

52 days left.
Make
them
count.

i want sushi.
M.

1-2-3-4

crazy ass kids

I've genuinely had the month of a teenager. Or a very chilled out twenty-something.
Both things very not me.
New style, ya know?
And why not.

I told a friend a week or so ago that whenever I see him I feel as if he looks like he's on holiday. Or there is just something very holiday-y about him. A certain relaxed atmosphere, or maybe it's just being so at home in your own skin? Which almost counts as a constant holiday anyway..
Well, whatever it is, I like it a lot. And I admire it about him.
So why not snatch it?

let them in
let them in
let them in
HEEYYYY
M.

(ps, I WAS wearing trousers. just the jumper at 7am was no longer tucked in.)

(found this song on Dani's blog. http://dani.metromode.se/)