tonight

You know what, I'm going to bed happy tonight.

Really, I just realised this hasn't happened in a while.
That it's 0:38 and I'm in bed and ..smiling!!
So cool!
Excellent.
I'm really really liking this.


Oh, AND, I MOVED!!!
The same flat I helped move E. into some time ago and now the Penthouse is mine! :)
I'm renting for a few months, I decided to spend my spring-summer with circus, ease and happiness.
Therefore, I moved.
And Pisces is joining me soon!!
We're gonna have 2+2Fish=4Fish joint affair for the summer months.

For those who didn't know - I'm also a Piscean.


And now I'm here, in bed.
I've got a window open and the birds are singing.
Why, crazy birds? It's just past midnight!
So I'm in bed, listening to birds singing.
Some candles are burning and I'm drinking coconut water.

I finished some programs today, for Thursday concerts.
Tomorrow I'm going for a walk in the morning, then seeing a run through of this new Donizetti production at the National.
Then dad has offered to get me some stuff I need for the flat - a kettle, a pan so I can cook something, and something to cover the sofa with.


And so, good night.
I'm gonna smile some more and go to sleep.

Yours truly.
Love, always.
M.

accept

Hey, guys.

So.

Today has been a day of Acceptance.

It feels like I've finally given in to the flow of the wider universe, the constant motion of life.

Not gonna lie, it feels like giving up in a way..

But I think this feeling exists in a way which in the long run will only serve me towards the positive end. 

However, right now, it feels a little.....hopeless.

Correction: very hopeless.

I guess the point is, we give up, stop fighting all the goddamn time, Accept what Is.

And then, sure, a little hopelessness is fine. I effectively have just created a void of some kind, y'know?

However, now it's up to me to fill it.

Fill this void.

With Love, inspiration, and kindness.

The space which was filled with fighting and holding on, is now empty. 

Acceptance and Accepting makes new space.

Creates new space.

Which today, right now, right here, feels EMPTY.

Emptiness, void void void.

Dark matter.

But this is okay.

This is okay.

Let go of what was.

Be grateful for what is.

And have hope for what is yet to (be)come.

The third one has to now become a huge priority.

I have chosen this direction, I've started discovering and searching and looking and questioning, and the "stop" button doesn't exist.

So all I can do is hold on, keep my focus, ride my wave, and have hope for what is yet to Be.

Oh, and definitely have to give praise where praise is due for how far I've got.

So, here's to you, Acceptance!

I've met you, I'll keep you and the stuff that's gone - well, I'll replace it with something that gives me FORZA VITALE - life force.

Peace and love.

I hope wherever you are, whatever you are doing, however far you still have to go - that you always have someone to turn to for guidance, a hug, or just company.

A shared life.

With love, always.

M.

tln

And so I'm officially back in Tallinn!

And writing on my laptop. Gosh, it's been so long!

So.
Happy Monday evening, everyone!

The three first concerts have gone extremely well.
Full houses and crazy great audiences.
And the program is so good, I absolutely love doing it.

Now I have 5 days till we have the next 3 concerts (2 on Saturday, one on Sunday) and then we're done!
It'll be so so sad!
I'll miss this bunch of people.
It has already been such a learning experience.

Seriously.
Life makes my head spin.
In the most wonderful way.
But I feel a little like a 5 year old who is spinning just a little too fast.
This feeling of great joy, and a little bit of fear, at toppling over.
But I guess even if my head starts to spin too much, and I do topple over, I will have people to gimme a hand, help me off the ground, and laugh it off.
So again, I always get back to this one point.
Fear is human.
Fear is natural.

Happy 3AM, everyone.
I've got too many thoughts.
Love to all of you.

Yours truly.
M.

The Joy of Detachment

I've often spoken about this with dad, because he is one of the people who think detachment is something that makes you cold and un-bothered, and so on.
I've just been reading Lazy Yogi's blog for a bit. He is 25-year-old guy, and he is awesome, and so I decided to post this.

Peace.
M.

Detachment is an often advised quality to cultivate on the spiritual way. But this advice is frequently misunderstood as remaining cold, aloof, and indifferent toward life. It is anything but. 

Real detachment may be recognized by the arising of joy. Detachment, happiness, and contentment are one and the same. 

Suppose you really love strawberries and currently have a massive craving for strawberries. It just so happens that you discover a fresh and beautiful carton of these berries in your refrigerator. So you sit down and savor them, one by one. 

Someone comes and offers you chocolate, soda, popcorn, all sorts of snacks. But you don’t feel any desire toward any of that because you are so filled with your enjoyment of the strawberries. That is like true detachment. 

But that detachment doesn’t come because of strawberries, or anything for that matter. It comes when you discover that your happiness, your peace, your joy, are nothing else but your Self and it is found nowhere else but within. 

Then detachment naturally happens toward the transient play of this world and body. It doesn’t mean that you have distain for them or aloofness or rejection. It simply indicates that you are no longer seeking the right things in the wrong places.

In your own company, before mind, body, and ego, shines the company off all beings as the Self; One without a second. Therein is always peace, freedom, and happiness.

This doesn’t mean that you don’t have compassion and love toward the people you meet and the events in life, but you do not depend on them for any form of happiness. Then you can really enjoy what comes since there is no element of need or insecurity involved. 

Practice detachment. Remind yourself that all of this need not be taken as the end all be all of existence. Go within, practice meditation and mindfulness throughout your day. Discover the joy that is your awareness endlessly beholding itself. 

Then detachment is found to be a blessing beyond all blessings. 

Namaste, sangha.
/Lazyyogi.org

this poem

I love poetry. I really really do.
And this just, I don't know why, as it is with poems, just hits the mark.
It just gets me inbetween the nerve-endings of my ribcage.
Every once in a while I'm just so happy to find one like this, one poem with this effect.
I hope you'll like it, some of you enjoy it, and that a few of you who love poetry will love it to the unreasonable extent I do.

12.22.
M.

love

Let the love we have for ourselves be so strong that we never again reject ourselves or sabotage our happiness, freedom, and love.

2013 happytimez, ftw

I'm finished!
The tour's done and it's been absolutely brilliant. Great audience again tonight, so all was good.
However, I have to say I'll be happy to have some time to get back on the fitness train.
The eating's fine, I'm on that train nice and steady, but I really miss the workout. My body got properly used to it, and I've been so busy, or lazy, or tired - or all three at the same time.
So I miss moving.
Yoga, or Pilates, or a good long walk, or some exercise at home, or whatever. There's so much of it, and I don't really mind. Swimming is good as well. I'd love to rollerskate but that will have to wait.
For now, it's any of the selection above.
As long as it gets the heart rate up.


And if any of you are doing the same thing, please, don't forget to eat.
Seriously, if you don't eat enough, your body will pretty immediately go into its distress mode and as opposed to getting rid of the unnecessary bits of the fat tissue, it will eat at the muscle.
Eat 4-5 times a day to keep your body happy. So it doesn't get rid of your muscles. Muscles are awesome.
If you don't believe me, do some reading. There are so many great blogs and websites and alllllsorts out there.
Just don't undo your own good work, and don't harm your body. Cause it's great.

Speech over.
Get moving and get endorphin-ed.
M.

fragile

As we forget how fragile we are.

Happiness, eh?

Showering and Radio Tallinn which is the best jazz station I think I've ever heard/found.
(It's currently giving me some very relaxed beats, sung in Swedish.)
And letting yourself dry off.
Just stand there, and dry off.

I mean. No guilt, you know.
No guilt.
Guilt is fine, when it's necessary. But too much guilt? When there is nothing really to be guilty for?
That's the thing.

It is Saturday.
It's 5:22pm.
And it is all fine.

NOTE TO SELF:
M U S T make more videos.

It's just that kind of a day. In a pink towel.

(And what an idea. Horizontal showering.)

M.