Monday

So, Monday!

It's currently nearly 3am.

Tomorrow I want to.
Call the music school.
Call the pianist about listening to a lesson.
Call the singing teacher.
Message about theatre.
Go see National Theatre 50 at the cinema.
Make a now-till-end-of-year plan.
Write up some programme stuff, for 30.11 aaand January.

That's that.
OH and I also want a nice breakfast.
So.
For me to get this, I must get sleepy.

Love and light.
Yours truly.
M.

love

Last night I was sat in a sauna, around 2am.
I was there on my own, which hasn't happened in a very long time.
I used to do that all the time in our old house but ever since it's always either with friends, or at the gym. All good options.
But it used to have a very different effect and meaning for me.
A semi-meditative almost-ritual, just some purifying time alone.
And a time for good thoughts, lots of new, good thoughts.

And so I sat there, late last night.
Spanish and CH were sat outside, and I was in the sauna thinking my thoughts.

And out of nowhere sprang these ideas about love.
And what makes "it work".
I've seen so many people, find love, fall in love, experience the feelings.
And then something happens.
And so I ask, what happens?

And the more I looked at this the more I realised that love is everywhere.
We find it everywhere.
As a race, you know.
And there are so many people we could connect with, given the circumstances.
So love happens, everywhere.
But that's not It.
"It" is a decision.

When a person decides, "yes, I choose you", and coincidentally the other person decides just the same, "I choose you too", then "It" happens.

I've seen so many of my friends choose.
But one of them.
As in, they choose, but the other one simply doesn't.
And that's how far it goes.
This is nothing about, value, worth, or "if I would've had better hair", or "laughed at his jokes more".
Et
cetera

It's not a game of what-if-i-could-persuade-someone-to-appreciate-me-please-please.
It's choice+choice.
(Or very often, choice+not choice.)
Point is.
Don't fret, darlings.
Just make sure you make your own choices, make them right and make them in time.

Yours truly.
M.

In other news - I miss the Christmas tour. Good sign!

bridges

This is going to be a post about bridges.

Sometimes in our lives we get to a point where our projects stall, our exciting new beginnings just fizzle into nothing, and slowly but surely we start fizzling into nothing ourselves.
This does not mean that we stop living all-together, or quit jobs or stop brushing our hair or washing our faces, you know.
This means something different.
It just means that we stop living as ourselves. As the You-est You.

That connection fizzles out.
It's like we can see our bridges burn, and we just let them.
We let this happen.

This includes wrong relationships, the ones where we can see ourselves shine dimmer and dimmer.
Or the wrong jobs.
Or the wrong places where we shouldn't live.
And so on, and so on, and so on.
This list goes on.

But the bottomline is, we let this happen.

The "how" doesn't interest me that much.
These vary for everyone.

But if I could know one thing, I'd know the "why".
Why would we stand in our own way?




We have every single opportunity to live out this life in the most glorious of ways.
And yet we choose to just stand there, and watch our bridges burn.
The bridges between you and YOU.

Which at the very end of the day are singlehandedly the most important ones.

Live the right life, for you.
Wake up following the schedule that is right, for you.
Work the job that's right, for you.

And for the sake of Jesus, TAKE YOUR TIME to find out.
Because truth is, we live and then we die.
It's pretty simple.

Why waste this sublime time.
On people who makes us less.
On clothes that are boring.
On places that stifle.

Why?

(I am asking myself to answer this.)

Why let the most important bridge burn.
Truth is, the sooner we notice this, honestly, look at this in the eye, and catch it mid-flame, we can put it out, find some new stone and wood and rebuild it.
But stand there and watch it go up in flames.
No.

Just, no.

Life is too short for that.

Bridges.M.

 

leave the world behind

This is what I want.
Out of life.
This is what I want out of my existence and time given on this awesome planet.
I want the miracle and wonder.
No steel, no concrete. I don't want the new and I don't want the shiny.
I want open spaces and freedom and love for everything.
I want a little boat and stormy seas.
And I want moss and rain and nature, because that is what Home is like.
I want to swim in cold seas and look at stars and whatever.
Just marvel.

I always get back to this -
I want to marvel.
And I want to share my life with those who want to marvel too.
It's not my job or duty to convince anyone at all that all of this is a miracle.

I want to get my feet wet, travel, and sing.

And I want to give myself what I want and work at living a life like this, with peace and balance and quiet and calm.
Because if we don't give ourselves what we deserve, no one will, ever.
Ever.

And this is a solid piece of advice (and I rarely dish out solid advice) - if you find the little miracles, the friends who wonder and marvel with you, do not and I mean, do not let them slip away. Life is too short and these people do not grow on trees.
Because they are magic.

If the topic is "Things Maria wants to happen", this is top 1 of the list.
No questions asked.

Now please find some headphones or plug in your speakers, and watch this video.

Always.
M.

miss

I will miss my life here so much.
I will miss the people.
I will miss AEM so much it feels like I'm going to crack a rib.

I will miss.

But life is all about choices, and I'm making mine.
M.

freedom

So, there's this blog.

http://abrahamalghanem.com/

His name is Abraham and he's from Saudi Arabia. His blog is like a mixture of photos, life-advice and both his poetry and prose.
I think he's written a few books as well.

The reason why we're currently talking about Abraham was something he said in a comment to one of the readers. It was something along the lines of "I would get arrested in my country just for having an opinion".

This got me thinking.
Whether this statement is true or false, or too grim, or just realistic enough, is not the point.
The reason why I found this fascinating is the fact that I have never had to consider this.

Freedom, you know?

The freedom to think, freedom to speak my mind, and the absolute freedom to choose.
Choice. My choice. The freedom to have my choice.
Freedom.
Something to be so thankful for, all day, every day.
And I hope I'll never have to feel what it's like not to have it.

Freedom.
M.

impatience is a virtue

Impatience is a virtue. Not always, but most of the time I truly have come to believe that it is indeed a virtue, and not the opposite.
The BIG 23. It has revealed itself and now let the games begin. Like personal Hunger Games, or whatever it is. But it feels like what I seem to believe that movie is, or the novels.
And so, I plan to play the games with impatience. That being more the energy than the thought process. But there is definitely merit in impatience.

Also, this figure out how to make sure I get what I need business is really proving to be almost neck-breakingly difficult. Whatever.

Happy New Year everyone.
With all my love, and dedication, M. (off to Switzerland, in less than 7 hours)