feather heart

forever is nothing
the drips and drops
follow and fall
forever is nothing
there is you
and my heart
too tender and new
shedding the skin
releasing the leaves
it can hold the old
it can hold the tired
but new

i think we were flowers once
swaying
and smiling
taking in the truth as it comes
i think we were flowers once
me and you
equilibrium
and balance
forever is nothing
there's just flowers

my heart is feathers
and i want the wind
to come and carry
my sun
to yours

and for me
new is new

I'm back (I think)

I miss my blog.

I miss writing and I miss you guys reading.

And I just got this feeling.

I think it's time again, soon.

I wanna be back.

M.

Everests

So, A. and I spoke about this thing, a long long time ago.
The idea of Everests.

Personal Everests.
And the fear of them.
And then I felt this question - when was the last time I climbed an Everest?

So, therefore.

It's time to climb the Everests.
All of them.
One at a time.
But it's time for the Everests.
And climb them we shall.

End of 2013.
There's still some time to go.
Time to do things.
Not loads, but there's time.
Time to be productive, time for things, and Everests.

Time to focus on what's important.
Ourselves.
Our family.
Our friends.
The people we want to communicate with.

He is able, who THINKS he is able.
And she who thinks she will climb her Everests, shall climb her Everests.


Today was a great day.
Listened to a great lesson, with a teacher I really really like.
So this is SUPER exciting.
Then went to the cinema with the Spaniard to watch a MUSE CONCERT.
Which was INCREDIBLE.
So intense days.
Crazy good, but intense days.

So now I'm going to try and get to sleep.
A rehearsal tomorrow.
And some lovely meetings.

Everests.
This is what I'm leaving you with.
E
VE
RESTS

Think about them.
And be brave enough to go for the climb.

With love and light.
M.


PS.

!!!! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B-hJq1GSV8Q
Please listen to this.



---

An Invitation.

Come, winter - rip us all bare.
Past the hot veins, and tear the cosy flesh.
Freeze us, entirely, claw down to the bone.
Remove the impatient muscle.
Watch the name
the title
the numbers
and the figures
tumble away,
fly off
(like they never were)
become one with the white.

Just leave the core.
So we can mingle, touch each other past the pretense. 
Press curious tongues against the icy void,
The heart of the bone.

Let the wind rage through - cold and impersonal -
As we stand, (un)moved, ready to confess.
Let it coil its way around my ever-fragile skeleton,
And caress my truth as I uncover yours.
No warmth, no heat.
No lies.
All unravelling, together, in near-perfect sync,
Faced with what we are.

The storms will start fuelling a different kind of fire.
Barren, bare, raw.
But true.

Come, winter.
Please.
Rip us all
bare.

today

The weather today is literally divine.


So, what's your definition of being successful?

There's this blog I sometimes check, when in need of something. I'm not her biggest fan, but sometimes she hits the right notes.http://www.bexlife.com/
I was listening to Bex's half an hour talk earlier on. And she stopped on the question of what we perceive as "success".

I mean, success is what people crave, very often. But what exactly do we perceive as "success"?
So, success for me, I guess, is living a life with health and family, a life in which I do what I enjoy, have people to share it with, and get paid good money. Enough to have freedom to travel, and explore the world. Challenging myself, and excelling at being Myself.

She had some pointers, some of which I really enjoyed -Identify your passion, write down things you love doing (even if this is watching trashy TV, or growing chickens in your back yard), circle the things that people might pay you for, and what people thank you for on a regular basis.
All extremely and I mean extremely useful things to do.

"Hard work beats talent, when talent doesn't work hard."
AEM said this to me, back when I lived in London. And he's right. I don't work hard enough, for my own measure. I used to work hard, now I pretend to work hard.
At this point can I just say I rock at deceit. I really do. I can convince everyone, including myself, of how "hard-working I am".
Lies.

Another one that I've always enjoyed, so much -
"Success happens when opportunity meets preparation."
This should put everyone's fear of failure (the greatest hinderance) to rest.
Do the preparation, do the homework, the go and channel it at the right people.
Boom.
I mean, life really is that simple.
We just like over-complicating it, starting with your's truly.

And so what I took from her and what I really plan on doing is this.
Work from "success" backwards.

In other words, take your idea of success and break it down, tracing it in backward steps.
Is doing whatever you're doing RIGHT NOW going to help you in the life you want, or is doing what you're doing the behaviour of the kind of person you want to be?

In order to be, you have to do.
There's no way around it.

So ask for opportunities, ask for favours.
And be ready to return them.
The asking for opportunities is something I really have to start doing.

And let's be honest, the whole aim of the game is to learn how to be "Best at being me".

I mean, I want to get to a point where I have opportunities of singing and making other art and/or connections in Europe and around the world, so I have to start behaving like that person.
As opposed to shutting myself off, and building this ridiculous shell.
Makes no sense.

In order to be, you have to do.

And after-all, it's summer, everything is fine, it's a Thursday, and the sun will rise tomorrow, so why not give it a go.

From the depths of Yoloheim.
Yours truly.
M.

100

My 100th download was the finale of Dexter Season 7.
This pleases me.

Oh, Michael.
Seriously.
So good.

Dexter.
M.

freedom

So, there's this blog.

http://abrahamalghanem.com/

His name is Abraham and he's from Saudi Arabia. His blog is like a mixture of photos, life-advice and both his poetry and prose.
I think he's written a few books as well.

The reason why we're currently talking about Abraham was something he said in a comment to one of the readers. It was something along the lines of "I would get arrested in my country just for having an opinion".

This got me thinking.
Whether this statement is true or false, or too grim, or just realistic enough, is not the point.
The reason why I found this fascinating is the fact that I have never had to consider this.

Freedom, you know?

The freedom to think, freedom to speak my mind, and the absolute freedom to choose.
Choice. My choice. The freedom to have my choice.
Freedom.
Something to be so thankful for, all day, every day.
And I hope I'll never have to feel what it's like not to have it.

Freedom.
M.

under the same sun

This movie, "Under the Tuscan Sun", has been with me through every move I've ever seen.
I don't know how I found it, but it just arrived in my life and it has stayed.
I haven't seen many movies that have this effect on me. It's a mixture of brilliant writing (based on an autobiographical novel), a brilliant performance by Diane Lane, the colours of Tuscany, the great excitement-creating soundtrack and just, the sense of life giving new exciting opportunities, even when you really really do not expect any of them.
And as is the tradition, with boxes comes "Under the Tuscan Sun".
Yes, yes, yes.

The tap.
Hmm, interesting.
There's this 'tap' theme. I don't want to give much away, in the hopes you'll watch it one day when you need a pick-me-up. But yeah, maybe that's why I like the idea of "the tap".
Interesting..

Bramasole.
Bramare, to yearn for, and Sole, the sun.
Yes, beautiful.

Say "yes".
With love.
M.

post-singing idyll

Children will be children.
Concrete grey.


My writings back in the day, before The Big Move, were so angry. Quick-tempered. Maybe I've lost my balls of writing.
Or maybe I've just calmed down. Or maybe I've just learnt how to calm down.

I did something good today. Something good for myself, and something I should be proud of.
So this is my moment of Congratulations-Maria-well-done.

"USALDA END JUHUSELE JA VAATA, MIS SAAB"
Trust youself to chance, and see what happens.

In retrospective it is kind of funny how scared I was of going away. I read it on paper, but I can't remember the feeling. I remember the night 23 days and 6 years ago when for the first time I packed my big red suitcase that has now become one of the 5 constants in my life. I remember the night, I remember my cat, my dad with some Coronas and lime (well done, Father) and I remember some numb panic. But the run-up - it's just gone.
Trust yourself to chance.

I'm kind of sorry I deleted my really melancholic blog, pre-dating the 2005 one.
I'd like to read it like now. A diary of sorts of how it has all been, and how it has gone.

Drum and bass gave it clarity. A very singular meaning and a razorsharp focus. Which was really lacking. Just non-existent.
M. is for Mayhem.