ce soir

Tonight literally just hammered, and I mean, HAMMERED-hammered-hammered in, the message from last night.
Like, violently, hammered, screwed it in, nuts and bolts and all the hardware.

The Doing.

It's getting to a point where this is making me so frustrated.
This idea, this idea of not doing.

Apparently I've got pretty eyes.
That was really nice.

Theatre.
And life, and art.
And thoughts.

And competing.
And understanding.
And accepting.
And all the things.
All of them.

I just want to be what I see and know I can be.
Because of the deafening mundane-ness.

My problem has been - solo in the sandbox.
Well then f*ck me - don't be?!

Don't waste the partners.
Seriously.
Seriously.
Seriously.

Learn, and evolve.
And make smart analytical decisions, please.
Reason, and discover.


Empty sandbox or fascinating sandbox?
Surely this is what moves me, improves me, challenges me.
Tantalises, tickles and teases.
Seriously.
Surely?

What do I choose?

One frustrated cat.


In other news, tonight was so awesome.
Here's a photo from the set.
Super.
The future is now.


And I'm not going to wish love and light.
I'm going to wish, the productivity to make yourself shine.
Shine, shine, shine.

Yours truly.
M.

le feu

Here's some fire.
For you.
For your Tuesday.

I mean, I think this is just delightfully fierce.

Le feu.

Yours truly.
M.

This.

This
this
this


With love.
M.

picnic

On Saturday, we had a picnic outdoors.
Me, dad and the Mrs.
We got some pizza, and a thermos with green tea/Earl Grey infusion.
And it was sunny and over-all a lovely idea.

We had two pizzas: one with added blue cheese and pineapple which is like my childhood favourite. And then one with all the spicy stuff.

Also, I've never really been on a nice sunny skiing holiday and this just felt so so much like a fit time at some after-ski place. So I suddenly found myself battling serious feelings about having a ski trip.

Seriously. Yay, for winter picnics.

Have a winter picnic.
M.

hey guys

Today is Nanny-day!
My nephew is getting here soon and my desire to be an awesome auntie always kicks in.
I don't know what we're going to do yet, but I sure know he's gonna have fun!

Also, any day when it appears that I have a lot of hair on my head is automatically a good day.

And so, I'm gonna turn the Nanny wheel and see what I come up with.
And I started some interesting drafts late last night which I plan to finish today.

PS, had a very unexpected dream. You know when someone arrives in your dream and you wake up in the morning going "WHERE did you come from?" But it was a nice dream so no harm done.

With love.
M.

men

So.
I mean, right.
This is the thing.
My friends often ask me for guy advice. Not necessarily advice but just to talk about it and you know, lend an ear. This is mostly because I get along with my dad in a way that we'll have deep and meaningful conversations about whatever, including guy/men behaviour. So usually I'm very at home with talking to guys, or whatever, you know. Dad was also a textbook playa d*ck-head (sorry, dad!) when he was younger. So he's the guy a lot of my friends and myself included often struggle with.

Now then.
With the past little while, however, my understanding of any kind of male knowledge has just gone out the window.
Maybe this is just a good life lesson about how I just can't paint everyone the same colour, ever. There are just as much different behaviour and characteristics for guys as there are for women.
I've never ever ever ever been one to brand "all men pigs" or whatever. I think that's simply hideously stupid, sexist, idiotic, and just downright wrong. It's like saying "all women are blonde".
Same difference.
No, they are not.
Seriously.
Come on.

ANYWAY.
I digress. So yes, I think we (including me) potentially underestimate guys somehow. I mean, yes, it's a fact that sometimes their funstick takes over (this is just down to a limited amount of blood in the body), and in these instances their reason too is limited (Thanks, biology). However, I think I've started to underestimate the rest of the time, when there is a steady blood-flow, to the head as well.

By the way, this is not going to be a post of any revelations.
This shall be rambly and incoherent.

So.
Maybe it was a case of underestimating.
(This is not me back-tracking, this is me learning.)
Well, whatever it was, a lesson is a lesson. Doesn't matter what the current topic is, as long as it's a lesson, it has inherent value.

So here's a toast to assumptions, and generalisations, and expectations.
And here's another toast to not listening to them, at all! Ever!

Hip-hip-hooray.
M.

So my question is.
Is this snap below real? If it's real, was this written by a guy, or made by a girl?
(ps, I don't know the answers. I'm just saying.)

all the f*cks

Oh, look at all the f*cks i don't give!



So.
I used to think this kind of attitude was in some way negative, or not really advancing anything at all.

But.
After giving this fairly significant amounts of thought time, I have now come to the conclusion, that actually it is fine.
This does not mean I don't like people, or I don't care about people.
This doesn't imply arrogance in the slightest.
This only means I don't go crazy over what people necessarily "think" about me. My clothing, or my career, or my manner of speaking. Which is all matter of subjective opinion.
And once I managed to kind of start letting go of this I was so much freer just to enjoy people as they were, not be so hung up on what I thought other people thought of me.

"Caring" too much also leads down a really evil path - perpetual competing, with other people.
If you are constantly trying to please everyone and make sure you are to everyone's taste all you are really doing is ripping yourself apart, because let's be honest here - it's impossible to please everyone.

Look in the mirror.
That's your competition.

And I don't say this as a person who wants to achieve nothing or for whom being successful is not important - on the contrary. This kind of attitude - push yourself, not compete with others - will lead to success. (I am still really very much trying to make this attitude natural and easy, so I don't have to remind myself of where to place my pinpoint of emphasis. But so far, so good. And seriously, everything comes so much easier.)

If you really work at trying to become the very very best version of yourself you can possibly be, you won't have time to judge others, therefore good things will happen, you will go far and you will succeed in whatever field you are active in.

Change your mind, and you can change anything.

With love.
M.

clothes

Okay, guys, I have a problem.

This is not going to be as pointless and shallow as it sounds at first.

So.
I don't know what clothes I like.

Explanation.
Lately I'm just having a really really tricky time finding anything I feel good wearing. I guess it's just that I'm not entirely sure the kind of person I want to put across at the moment.
It was easier in LDN because there none of this matters.
But I touch-down in TLN and there's these people and journalists and whatevers (which I cannot stress enough, I'm grateful for) but the downside of this is, it is just hard to change.

I have these patterns here. The automatic shapes and things that I do, and things I represent and therefore, clothes I wear.
It's like, I arrive and there's a pre-decided Maria Listra waiting here, who I've created, and I kinda leave myself going "HUH?". Like I leave me on the doorstep.
And so now I'm home, with a load of clothes, and they just don't feel good on. They feel like they belong to someone else and this is a very strange sensation. So I've slowly been going through my clothes to see which ones I actually like wearing and which actually feel like me.

And so there you go. My clothes problem.
I don't know what clothes I like, I don't know what clothes like me, and whatever. Summer's so easy, I just run around half naked all the time, which suits me fine.
So for now, I'm just gonna go about being a little confused.

I
don't
unerstand
clothes
ugh

Clothes.
M.

what do clothes say?