paradise lost

Pluto's Retrograde lasts till September.
Pluto's Retrograde lasts till September.
Pluto's Retrograde lasts till September.
Pluto's Retrograde lasts till September.
Pluto's Retrograde lasts till September.
Pluto's Retrograde lasts till September.

Mantra.

I must not forget this.
Because everything that's happening at the moment is absolutely and I mean ABSOLUTELY following this pattern.

Everything.

Like, e-v'ry-thing.

"The things that are not right simply will not remain in your life. The Universe will not give them the chance."

So they will simply

....disappear.
Into nothing.

And that is good, in the end.
Just bare with Pluto till it's finished doing its thing.

And so just let them go.
This is the physicalisation of my "don't play god" project.
Just let these things go. Don't fight the ebb and flow.
Because we don't know anything anyway.
Trust life, trust the Universe.
Don't play god.
It's cocky and stupid.

And even if it's the very-very things that we want to keep so much and just breathe them in and press them against our cheek and our body, so tight, we cannot.
We can't keep those things.
If they go, they go.

Universe knows better.

It really, truly does.

So may we have the faith and belief and trust to go with it.

Peace and love, kids, peace and love.
M.

morning

I think every day would start just that little bit better (apart from Sunday mornings, which are just another thing entirely), with a mug like this.
Also, not every morning. But just those mornings when you need the world (or your mug) to tell you to get off your ass and do stuff.

Get shit done.
M.

don't i know it

His voice.

End up where you really belong.
M.

what you imagine

What kind of a life did I imagine?
What if there was no fear?
What if I had no fear?

I mean, these questions are so interesting, I don't even know where to begin.

Lucky are those who dream a lot.
Because in dreams there are no boundaries and there is no fear.
We grow up with people giving us advice and warnings and cautionary tales and big bad wolves and the rest. So many limits, and so many boundaries.
Things you shouldn't do, words you mustn't say, ideas that won't get you anywhere.
And so on.
And so forth.

"Live the life you have imagined".
This life that sometimes shows itself in the deep deep warm darkness of your dreams. The one you don't ever voice because it's so secret and so precious, that merely talking about it might tarnish the purity of the divine dream.
The things you want, and need, and just thinking about it feels like drinking from the cup of unicorn paradise.
The dreams that sometimes get lost and also get forgotten.

Also.
Think of the word "imagine". Imagine the word "imagine".
It is just so huge, so huge and wonderful.
Imagining, and imagination.

I don't often entertain myself with thoughts like this.
Because I'm "rational", and "reasonable", and "logical", and I "listen to my head".
Whatever, blah, blah, blah.
Point is.
Dreaming is the steam and the fuel.
Fine, let's say you're clever enough to build a frikkin' train.
But if there's no juice in the tank, the train won't run, will it, smarty-pants?

So for all the glorious cleverness - I must dream.
And listen to the dreams I find.

And then, and only then, really truly live the life I have secretly imagined all along.

And be the person I have imagined I want to become.
M.

clothes

Okay, guys, I have a problem.

This is not going to be as pointless and shallow as it sounds at first.

So.
I don't know what clothes I like.

Explanation.
Lately I'm just having a really really tricky time finding anything I feel good wearing. I guess it's just that I'm not entirely sure the kind of person I want to put across at the moment.
It was easier in LDN because there none of this matters.
But I touch-down in TLN and there's these people and journalists and whatevers (which I cannot stress enough, I'm grateful for) but the downside of this is, it is just hard to change.

I have these patterns here. The automatic shapes and things that I do, and things I represent and therefore, clothes I wear.
It's like, I arrive and there's a pre-decided Maria Listra waiting here, who I've created, and I kinda leave myself going "HUH?". Like I leave me on the doorstep.
And so now I'm home, with a load of clothes, and they just don't feel good on. They feel like they belong to someone else and this is a very strange sensation. So I've slowly been going through my clothes to see which ones I actually like wearing and which actually feel like me.

And so there you go. My clothes problem.
I don't know what clothes I like, I don't know what clothes like me, and whatever. Summer's so easy, I just run around half naked all the time, which suits me fine.
So for now, I'm just gonna go about being a little confused.

I
don't
unerstand
clothes
ugh

Clothes.
M.

what do clothes say?

short fuse

Well, well.
I got really pissed off today. Just because (STILL) so, so much is up in the air. (Through this packing process I've realised that I'm such a control freak with some weird things. Like I'm currently frustrated out of my eyeballs because I can't book my flight.)
And like, ugh, whatever.
So, I decided to apply a lot of make-up and do my hair just for the purposes of packing.
And for the purposes of not feeling like a forlorn sock (which, A. can vouch for this, is my all-time least favourite feeling).
Then I played some loud music (from the playlist GO) and burnt some lavender incense.
And calmed the f*ck down.

And I'm gonna carry on packing.

But before I do this I'm gonna give myself a little point an a pat on shoulder (can't reach my own back too well) for catching my friend, anger, by it's tiny little vicious tail and dealing with it.
So, there you go, self, I'm giving you a point!

Ride the wave.
M.

balance

Anger fascinates me.
It just. I don't really know where it comes from or where it wants to go, or what's the purpose or how to get rid of it.
It's tiring, and I'd like to be without.

Dear Anger,
Go away. For good.

Thanks.
With love.
Maria.

i know you're right behind me

Lykke Li, again, and again, and again.

Yesterday the night before tomorrow.
M.

homecomfort

Back to the post about the little moments a day, of just little comforts.

I'd like to go hiking. Well, maybe not necessarily hiking - rather for an adventurous mountain-air walk. Not such a "little comfort", plus I want the ground to come out from undernearth the snow, and then I shall look into this. Maybe find a cool place around London, and do it before The Move.

But cups of tea, and good baths, and favourite movies.
I found this list on this blog. The list was called "Feeling Sad?" and I quite liked it. Not that I was feeling sad, but I thought the list was good anyway. (I'll give you a selection)

Here’s all the things I do to help myself feel less sad:

(if you have any more suggestions, send them to me and I’ll put them up here!)

- Ride a bike.

- Pet my dogs.

- Color in coloring books.

- Do yoga.

- Light some candles and meditate.

- Take a bath with all the fancy works.

- Throw paint on canvas, literally just throw it.

- Walk outside.

- Go for a run.

- Watch Lord of the Rings.

- Smile, even though I never want to, it does make you feel a little better.

- Talk to friends.

- Get a bulletin board and fill it with pictures you like.

I really liked it. But I do think dancing should ABSOLUTELY be on the list as well!

I am also in love with the fact that she has Lord of the Rings on the list - I went through a period of just watching it every day, for kicks. I didn't even like it that much before, and then BOOM - daily occurrence. Why not.

So.
Small things that make a big difference.
M.

Also. Some of you might not like tea, and baths, and Lord of the Rings at all, or you might not enjoy dancing, and walking on mountain tops which is soooo unquestionably fine.
Just find the little things that do make you happy, that's all.