without

Since I'm literally going through a phase of not knowing what I want to do with my life, I'm looking for all-sorts of ideas to get me going, in any direction.
Or you know, to zhuzh me.

So.
I think I might go for "things I could not imagine not doing in my life".
I think that would make for a good list.

With or without.
M.

grateful

Something happens.

You follow your path. You wake up, go to sleep, wake up, go to sleep.
You go through the steps and the motions. Think your thoughts and do your thing.
Swim and swim, and it's all fine.
You walk the path.
And then something happens.
Suddenly something just happens.
Something happens to you or around you that just flicks a switch.

Something
happens

And then you kind of, notice.
Suddenly you notice the path, the track, the flow, the motions, and the steps.
Then after that you see what's happened.
You see you, on this track, that is not even yours.
You see the steps, that are not even yours.
And then you see, that this you is not even you.

All because something happened.
A little insignificant something that should've been added and drowned in the white noise that is life.

But it doesn't.
It won't fade out. This feeling stays with you.
It won't disappear, because it made you look up and see that this is not your path.
It nudged you off this course, that only you know how you got onto anyway.
It gives you back the greatest gift, the belief that you can do anything.
You can do what you choose. Become what you choose.
It gives you back your fire.
And oh my, it makes you so grateful.

Something
happens.

So have the courage to go again.
Throw the dice, again. Start, again.
Have the courage to tread a new path.
Because it will pay off.
And you will have people to help you and to care about you.
And at the end of this you will be a more balanced, grateful, content version of you.
The you that is strong and not scared and doesn't just dodge. But instead faces things head on, because why not. Because being a frikkin pirate of life is great, and courageous.
And so much better than being like a halfway version of yourself.
Because let's be honest, that can go and suck d*ck.
Be the pirate, be the Beyonce, be the adventurer, the traveller.
The poet, the painter, the dancer, the singer.
The child, the successful business woman.
The linguist, the acrobat.
The warrior and the wolf.

Because, WHY NOT.

The Devil still doesn't play fair.
M.

hello

I really hope I've made this whole reading-experience thing a bit better, the font clearer, and so forth.
Or maybe it hasn't made a difference at all.
As long as it's not worse.

And the new background, for this new energy that I'm after.
I hope the atmosphere has stayed pretty much the same, but I felt you know, if I want to cut and dye my hair I might as well give the blog a re-touch as well.

New.
M.

morning

Good Sunday morning-ish time, ladies and gentlemen, and all your fabulous pets and whoever!

So today I'm planning to make up on the packing scale for yesterdays fun-day. Not that today won't be a fun-day, I'm sure it will, just home-fun.
A's gone into town to see people, J. is getting ready for lunch with parents, so it's just me with my porridge and Vit C drink, and Classic FM.

London's busy, you know.
There's just a time and place for everything, and a time for someone to enjoy whatever. Bottomline - things vary. Millions and millions of variables in every little thing we do, all the time.
And my time here is done. I'm so glad, again, that I've had the balls to look this fact in the face and act on it. So many people never tire of London, so so many people never tire of the place where they live, but also, so so many people are just too convenient to look the fact in the face that there is another place where they would be much, much happier. What this place is for me is yet unknown. I'm just going to Tallinn to recharge, breathe in, breathe out, anchor for a while, and then figure out where and why I'm going.
All in good time.

For now, I must make a loooooooooooooooooonnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnngggggggggggggg list of people, and places, and sights, and sounds, and actual things I want to take with me from London.
September 2006, this was a long time ago.

But for now, have a lovely morning, or if you're in a different timezone ahead of me then have a lovely afternoon, or if you're in a timezone behind me, I hope you're still sleeping.

Packing-mania.
M.

(blank sheet)

your head and your heart

live with peace in your heart

and fire in your eyes

With love.
M.

right here

Again, an old post draft. 


i realised, all of a sudden, that for my entire life i've been looking for balance in all the wrong places.

and i realised, whilst having a shower, that all the balance a person needs (to begin with) is from the person. so from me. and then the rest of the stuff will follow.

okay this might seem like a very captain obvious thing to say, but aren't most things?
i mean. if you really simplify it (by it, i mean everything) down to its core, then everything is so simple.

I'm so outward looking, all the time. just, in creating a life, if i can say that. and then most people say, oh why is this not happening, and that not happening. well the answer is not far, is it.

and i think this is the one thing i've learnt with the excessive amounts of yoga i've been doing. that i've been looking way too far. better just roll dem sleeves up, and get cracking with myself. be what i want to be like, and the rest will follow.

starting the other way around is a bit of a waste of time. (again, this might not work for everyone, but i've realised this works for me.)
i need to start from right here, to get anywhere. basic logic.

and the rest will follow. like karma.

because balance isn't outside, it's inside. a balanced life doesn't equal what's going on around us. it's a way of looking at things. there is as much or as little balance as we allow there to be.
i will now start testing this out.

and remember to breathe.

if it works i will genuinely do a dance of utter..like, relief.

because since i am, and have been, on a perpetual quest for balance for so long, it's a good little nugget. 

YAY!

and f*ck, it feels nice.
M.