turn it into

There was this thing somewhere - "Don't dwell on the past, but turn it into art."

I have been creating somewhat lately, or at least I don't feel uninspired.

But still, I feel, there's so so much room, for more.
So many things I want to do and so so many things I want to accomplish.

So many ideas that are kind of there, but kind of not.
Seedlings.

But hey, can't rush stuff.
It gets there, when it gets there.
And I'm not brave enough to talk loudly of not-even-new-born ideas.
But soon.
I'd love to talk about these things, out loud, soon.

For now, keep creating.
And I'll do the same.

Yours truly.
M.

love

Last night I was sat in a sauna, around 2am.
I was there on my own, which hasn't happened in a very long time.
I used to do that all the time in our old house but ever since it's always either with friends, or at the gym. All good options.
But it used to have a very different effect and meaning for me.
A semi-meditative almost-ritual, just some purifying time alone.
And a time for good thoughts, lots of new, good thoughts.

And so I sat there, late last night.
Spanish and CH were sat outside, and I was in the sauna thinking my thoughts.

And out of nowhere sprang these ideas about love.
And what makes "it work".
I've seen so many people, find love, fall in love, experience the feelings.
And then something happens.
And so I ask, what happens?

And the more I looked at this the more I realised that love is everywhere.
We find it everywhere.
As a race, you know.
And there are so many people we could connect with, given the circumstances.
So love happens, everywhere.
But that's not It.
"It" is a decision.

When a person decides, "yes, I choose you", and coincidentally the other person decides just the same, "I choose you too", then "It" happens.

I've seen so many of my friends choose.
But one of them.
As in, they choose, but the other one simply doesn't.
And that's how far it goes.
This is nothing about, value, worth, or "if I would've had better hair", or "laughed at his jokes more".
Et
cetera

It's not a game of what-if-i-could-persuade-someone-to-appreciate-me-please-please.
It's choice+choice.
(Or very often, choice+not choice.)
Point is.
Don't fret, darlings.
Just make sure you make your own choices, make them right and make them in time.

Yours truly.
M.

In other news - I miss the Christmas tour. Good sign!

glasses

Spaniard's glasses.
Because today was a day for this.
However, I did not wear them. She did.
I simply entertained myself for a little while.

Today was a good day and now it's time for some Australian Masterchef, or the Great British Bake-off.

Tomorrow, is Wednesday.
Some emails, then "Searching for Sugar Man", and then off to see a friend, for some cooking time, sauna and just general relaxing.
I like this pace, main thing is to keep doing.

Yours truly.
M.

in case you're wondering..

..this is what I did 6am on Sunday night. Or morning. Monday morning.
Well whatever you'd call that time, this is what I did.





The reason for this madness was L's birthday.
I did use a wall to help me, but I did it nonetheless.
And I'm super proud.
Truly.
That feeling of accomplishment I got from spending 7 seconds upside-down was just beyond glorious.

Today I've sent The Email, that I had been ignoring for quite some time.
I also plan to send another email (which consists of three), one which I have also been ignoring for quite some time.

I had this realisation last night, walking home. (I guess this is one towards which all my work has been moving.)
And it was just this moment where I understood in some way that all of us Know everything anyway.
(I know this sounds fairly ridiculous, but please, bare with me.)
The truth of the matter is, if we could only shut up these problems, these fears that we're taught, these complexes and the rest of the bullshit, then all that remains is knowledge.
Pure, simple knowledge.
Understanding of our own worth, our path, the "next move".
All the "what I need to do next".

Truth is, we are not born with fear.
Humans are said to be scared of two things, and two things alone (..not clowns):
- Darkness
- and Falling

So the rest of the crap just happens.
The "Life-happens" syndrome, as I've come to call it.

Unless we ask for what we want, we won't get it.
Unless we know ourselves, we won't know what to want (..on the soul-level. I'm not talking new shoes.)
Unless we accept ourselves, we won't know ourselves.

So forget what the first grade bully said, or the ex-boyfriend, or that one friend, or your aunt who thinks she has All the Answers, or your dad that one time when he was angry, or your mum who's scared of new things, or the friend who wants something else than you, or the society, or some book or another.

Because no-one knows You, like you know You.

And the fear, it's not yours.

Yours truly.
M.

STOP

Comparison is so boring.

Just saying.
Just saying.

99% of us do it. Why?
Seriously - to what logical, reasonable, or useful end?
It has none.
Like, none whatsoever, none at all.

So why?
Why torture yourself with the how much, how little, how big, how small, how tall, how smart, how blonde, how brunette, how rich, how poor, how emotional, how loud, how flexible, how multi-lingual, or whatever anyone is.
This who-has-less-who-has-more crap is so stupid.
It's useless and will never, ever, until the end of the burning Sun give any useful outcomes.
Ever.

So as opposed to listing all the things you are not (and in some cases can never be, ie. born Chinese, or have legs that are 10 inches longer, or be double-jointed, etc.), focus on what you are, and all the AMAZING things you can do with all of it.
(You don't lack, anything.)

And I should really do that too.

Trust the process.
Yours truly.
M.

sell all the things

Tomorrow, Saturday, it's time for a huge huge vintage/2nd hand sale in Tallinn!
And Spanish and I have bought a table to get our hands wet with the buying and selling madness.

So currently my room is in a state unlike any other, because for the first time in 7 years I have all my clothes in the same place and out at the same time.
But I'm powering through!

Gotta wash, gotta dry, gotta pack 'em - and then I'm all ready for tomorrow!

First wash (whites) is on.
Next on the agenda is putting the to-keep items into boxes, which will stay in my room.
And the rest of the stuff into the suitcase and huge Ikea bag.
I'm thinking of making "spring/summer" and "autumn/winter" signs, so it's easier for the people to browse through.
I think that would help.
And we're also planning on getting some biscuits - I'd rather haggle eating biscuits, than not, y'know.

Getting this done will be a big thing for me.
It's been on the want-to-do list for so long, and it will mark another step towards the place I wish to get to.

And I will.

Website handy in English.
http://kirbufestival.telliskivi.eu/en/


Gosh, I want to get to the end of this.

Yours truly.
M.


(Doutzen forever in thr backdrop haha)

Rachel

I mean, I don't really remember how many times I've posted about Rachel Brathen, but quite seriously, I find her so positive, and positively inspiring!

So therefore.
Just some shameless link-giving.
http://www.rachelbrathen.com/
http://instagram.com/yoga_girl
http://www.facebook.com/rachelsyoga?hc_location=stream

I just find her super awesome.
Simple as.
And promoting really healthy ideas, and images of women, men, people, dogs and whatever.
And courage.
Courage to more from Sweden to Aruba (??), in your early twenties, and do things your way.

Seriously.

This also goes hand-in-hand with my constant reminder at the back of my head: "Hey, Maria, do yoga. Why are you not doing yoga."
I love it, yet I'm not doing it.
Shall be fixed.

Thursday for Rachel.

Yours truly.
M.