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Happy Tuesday night, everyone!

Pisces has joined me in town today so this is our first official night in the pad.

I've been here a little over a week.

So far we've had a celebratory cider, planted some herbs and listened to the crazy loud birdsong.

I think it's a mix of having a park right behind the house and also being on the 5th floor - the birds stay at the very tops of the trees and therefore the clarity of their sound from here is crazy.

It's the most divine soundtrack. 

I unpacked my books today and spoke to dad about the need to celebrate.

Anything. Everything.

Life.

He agreed and said he'd come for a flat-warming party as soon as possible.

I loved his enthusiasm!

So now I'm in bed, ready for sleep.

We will see what tomorrow brings exactly but today I will sleep easier.

Peace and love, darlings.

Yours truly.

As always.

M.

face the sun

Hey, guys!

First of all, can I have a geek moment and just say that Game of Thrones starts today!
I'm never this excited over any any TV at all, but seriously, yay!

Secondly, I've got an allergic reaction on my face, quite fun actually.
I think it's contact-based nut allergy.
First time in my life.
But hey, all about the new experiences!
(..and the contact is due to new face oil. Not just rubbing nuts onto my face, in glee.)
Also, it's really encouraging me to keep super clean (eating, beauty products) post-fasting.

Thirdly, Grey's Anatomy: Derek Shepherd just mentioned Estonia!


This is my Sunday so far.
I've made hummus today, with roasted red peppers, and then I made a halloumi and mushroom salad. And I did a foodshop, more vegetables - parsnips this time, and spinach.


Below is a photo of an inspirational fox.

With love.
Yours truly.
M.

sense

this makes the most sense
out of anything
ever

no knowledge is knowledge unless you make it yours
unless this means something to you it's useless
so even if someone you respect to the Moon and back says something and you simply don't agree with, you don't have to bend your mind to do that

if it matters to you, keep it.
if it makes sense to you, believe it.
if it makes you feel clarity, follow it.

it doesn't matter whether it's a system or whether you've borrowed bits and pieces from here and there - if it is something that makes you grounded and hopeful and excited, if this knowledge is yours, that is the only thing that matters.

Sense.
M.

engine

A while ago I started this post about feeling like I turned the engine off.
I mean, a long long while.
It's a shame I don't remember the date, I like to place these things in a linear context. (Way in 2012 I think. October, November?)

And let's be honest - I'm still here. I'm still at a place where the engine is still off.
Like, I used to be SO driven it was crazy.
I don't necessarily want to be like that again, but I want some of it back, so so bad.

I'm not even going to try and figure out what happened, or where did it go.
Did i get scared? Whatever.

Truth is, everything we either look forward to, or everything we are afraid of, it all comes from within ourselves. So it's pointless running.
Cause it's based right here, in my pasty-looking pretty little head.

We project and we receive.
Project different and you receive different.

So why don't I want anything?
You see the thing is, it's really really starting to annoy me.
I want to do things, and look forward to things, but something is not clicking to place.
And it's making me sad, cause it's spring and you know. Spring yayy! Should be the time everyone usually gets super excited.

Ramble-y Tuesday lunchtime.
But whatever.
Where there's a question, you'll receive an answer.
I hope.

Turn. 
it.
on.
M.

just do it

NEW TRAINERS!! WOOO!!!

Ordered my first ever proper pair of actual running trainers yesterday and I'm just so excited it's ridiculous!

They should arrive in 2-3 days.
And just to repeat myself - I am so so excited. 
NEW TRAINERS.
M.

LDN

Yesterday was spent under the flag of getting here and then sitting. Quite literally, sitting.
I did start my packing - woo, look at me, not procrastinating! I give myself a point.

Today AEM and I went into town to meet one of his friends. Had some lunch, and then walked about for a bit, ending up in the Ice-cream parlour at Harrods. Yes, please. Had 2 scoops of ice-cream (can I just say, I LOVE ICE-CREAM) - one was orange-carrot-lemon (ish? it was delicious anyway) and chocolate and cookies. Yes, please x 10000000
Now I'm home cooking, and then some more packing.
I started making my "Goodbye, London" list today. You know, I was thinking about it the other day. That it was like not so long ago when I posted about thinking of moving and now it's actually happening. And I can't really believe it.
I mean, I'm very excited because this is so the right thing for me right now. Having said this, I'm so scared. I shall get over it, and embrace the excitement. And rinse this month dryyyyyyyy

And this is just soooo fitting with January being for "JUST DO IT". (More about this later)

All my love.
M.

sorting sorting sorting sorting

...sorting sorting.

What am I sorting, you ask? (Or maybe you don't, but I'm going to hope that you would ask, what am I sorting.)

Stuff, is the answer.
I'm stewing a secret plan, of returning to my homecountry (ES-TO-NI-A!) for some time.
I've lived in London for 6 years (with the 7th currently running). Which is a lot of time. Nearly a fourth of my life.
Crazy.
Absolutely crazy.

So now with various things here and there, and A. being SO international, and all the sweethearts at home, et cetera, I've found myself actively thinking about this.

So therefore, because I am a HUMONGOUS chicken-pants (direct translation from Estonian), and by that I mean HUMONGOUS, I thought that actions could turn themselves into words. Since I'm too scared to actually say it and therefore make it official, I'm simply sorting through everything. My pre-step to moving.
But I think it's working.

And I'm having fairly significant amounts of fun with this. Finding old things, trying on all of my clothes to see what stays, what goes. Old posters, and other bits and pieces.
With Energy FM pumping great club-beatz at me. This is an Estonian radio station, and they are great.
http://www.energyfm.ee/ (go crazy. great tidying, sorting, workout-ing, whatever-ing music.)

Here's a picture of all the rings I found, none of which I wear, ever.
But much like the 5-year-old that I am, I put them all on at once and felt great about this situation.

My room was so lovely this morning. Alas, this sorting business has taken a little longer than I expected.
So now, my haven has been turned upside down.
Sigh.
Not to fear, tomorrow I will valiantly finish this quest!

Chicken is sorting. 
M.

beat 2

i just got so excited
about theatre (?)
but not, it as such, about doing it.

the feeling of doing it, came back. and excited me so much

weird that

is it realistic?
why not to be honest.
I am a massive chicken, and always have been.
but if i want something, why not stop being a chicken.
if i ask, and not get anywhere, why is that a bad thing?
at least i tried, you know.
maybe i should...just make a few inquiries.
thats all i can do really cause i dont even know what im asking

the prospect.
fuck.
so excited



WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE?
..okay, good.
so go for it.


with love
You


All naked and the dead should hold each other hands /S.Walker/

STOCKHOLM

Hej.
✈
1 day and we're up and away.


Lolcats on tour. AGAIN.

AGAIN.

God, this pleases me. So much.


Today, talking to A, I made an accidental poem.

"And then go out
And dance
And stare at hair
Everywhere"

It's not very deep, and not very meaningful, but it sure captures something special.

Kõike tahame, M.