unit

Hey, guys and girls!

It's currently 29C in Tallinn, some parts boasting 31 I think.
CRAZY!

It's so lush, all Nature here has just sucked in this divine light and heat and gone all amazing and green.

I think today I'm going to drink ...wine.
Perhaps.
This day demands to be enjoyed.
Enjoyed and devoured like lust and desire.
Capricious and strong willed like someone grown beautiful too quickly and too early.
Today is a day of melting ice cream dripping off hands and licking lollipops and skirt flying over heads.
Frivolity.
I can smell frivolity and the mad single-minded vision of yearning.

This was going to be a post about something else, entirely.
Entirely.
But hey, whatever.
There's always time later.
My mind is now on appealing bone-structures and the soft bounce-back of warm skin.

How do you wake up a heart?
How do you make it say things again?
How do you make it want and sing and call out.

Happy exultation of summer, dear youth, of all ages!

Yours truly.
M.

soft

Hello, my darlings.

This is a post about "soft".


Right.
I don't know about you but I grew up thinking "soft" will never ever get you anywhere at allll in this life.
And then I grew.
Just became more and more, cold and rigid, and tank-like.
And I used to love this.
The worse it got, the "better" I thought it all was.
Ooooooooohh, look at meee, I'm like a tank.

Lo-and-behold, I turned 23 or something and realised none of this - and I mean, NONE of this - works.
Nor does it have any logic.

Tank.
Seriously.
What.
Why would that be a good thing.
How can anyone make music like that?
How can anyone love or make love like that?
How can anyone make art, or something new?
How could anyone create like that?

One word: ice-queen.



And yes, la-la-la, "invincible and Strong" and whatever.
Point is.

It's actually a living breathing walking suicide. 

And it's so addictive, as is everything, let's be honest here.
You do something enough times and it becomes second nature.
Pretty simple.
Repetition is the root-mother of every thing.
SIMPLE AS.
You do something enough, and BAM! you think it's "my character".
I've done it enough times.

It's the rule that makes nature wonderful and terrifying.

So repeat the RIGHT things.
RIGHT FOR YOU.
F*CK someone else's "rights" and "wrongs".
Pick and choose what you want to be, pick and choose what you want to be seen as.
Make your life.
Make YOURSELF.

God.
This is super to myself.
Screw them all.
This is what I think.
All of them.
And just make YourSelf.
Pick the people, embrace and love and keep the people who let you be You, and just don't expect anything more or anything less.
Just You, the You-est you and the You of YOUR own choosing.
Not someone's cat or Jesus Christ's grandma.
Just YOU.

Enough with the ice queen tendencies now.
I don't like people like that, why should I ever try to BE it myself.

I am the dreamer, the soft ripe giving thing, like spring and wet soil, y'know?
Muddy, dirty, bloody, like gawddamn Mother Earth.
So why, again, my favourite question of all existence, why would I then turn into ice, which is by its very definition the opposite of wet, warm and fertile?

And if we want to talk about strength, then what is actually stronger than the earth, the basis on which all of this motherfrikkin circus is standing on anyway.

So seriously.
I need to stop this infantile ridiculousness.
And just become the person I want to be.
And kick ass like that.
I don't know why this is taking so long....but hey. Patience after-all.

Patience.
Keep muddy, keep warm and keep wet.
Peace out, darlings.

Yours truly.M.

lumi

Snow life. 

It's snowing, so there's snow.

What is it with me and winter this year. 

Strange.

But serene.

I almost don't want spring to come with its incessant need, once again.

Demanding and clawing at the skin and bones of every living thing.

Just to claim its prizes. 

And usually it's my favorite.

But now.

It's nice to dwell under the cover of ice.

Kind of secret.

Spring drags everything out of the frozen ground, out in the open.

Somehow exposed in its need to make new life.

Kind of pornographic, you know?

Winter is hidden and it's silent and demure and unmoved.

Like a Sunday morning under covers.

Or words that only you can hear and eyes meant for none other.

It's like, sinking and submitting.

The tranquil looks of giving in.

It's as dirty as it's pure. 

The ice just ties you up, in its dungeon, and then the fire makes you free.

As carnal as it's holy.

Winter - the true soul home of Erotica.

Apparently this is what I now like.

Again, and always, I have love for all of you.

Yours truly.

M.

 

last days of summer

Hello, 4th of September.
The nights have got really cold, but today was super nice.
So we were pretending it's still summer.

Happy pretend-summer.

Yours truly.
M.

summer

26 degrees and my hat came out to play.

Hello, hat.
M.

spring

And so spring continues, with ever-growing steps.
I don't really understand that June is 2 weeks away.
When
and
how
did
this
happen

It was cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, and now it's two weeks till June.
And I really need to kick this real estate thing into gear.

And these flowers below are amazing.y

Spring, time for doing things.
M.

TRT

I'm back! Again. My second return in a week, or something.

Tartu was super.
It's our university town in the south of Estonia.
I stayed with some old suuupper friends, and it was so lovely I could almost die.
Both nights revolved around food, tea, food, tea, and chats, more tea and lots more chats, and boardgames. In short, an ideal combo!

It's strange how you have some people with whom it simply doesn't matter when you saw them last, or where or why or whatever, point is, you gel, immediately.
And it's one of the basic fundamental joys of the human life I think. Or at least, I regard it extremely highly.

And so I'm back in the capital, where it's warmer and less snowy.
I got the 7:46am train back with K. which meant a 6:45am wake-up, and now I feel almost like I've never had any sleep ever.
But seriously, this was a super duper 2-night break. So much delicious food, and lots of good atmosphere.
Also, shoutout to "Jane" for being a wonderful-wonderful hostess lady person! (Pingviiiiiniiiiid)

And now my cat is licking his little cat balls in a patch of spring sunshine. (...Too poetic not to share, sorry!)

Now it's tea-time and food time, and then I'm going to the gym, to run on a sunny treadmill and pretend it's warm enough to do that outside.
And lift my weights, like a machine.

Happy Tuesday, guys!

Go, adventure.
M.

Central-Estonia on the bus journey to TRT and snow, snow, snow. Happy mid-March!

Groceries in the bike basket. Simple things

Evening walk last night in the freezing cold. I really liked the lighting on the bridge

Light work, "Snake". Fine by me

Morning train! Hello, TLN.

spring

Spring is coming, it's official.
The sun was so hot yesterday. And it's sunny again today.

I might actually go to town today, and stare some sunshine in the face (..ps, I did do that, and it was so nice. The pretty one came and picked me up, and we had some pasta in sunny sunny Vapiano.)

Crazy what sunshine does.

Embrace the rays.

With love.
M.

PS. I JUST CAN'T WAIT :)

fitness talk

Just completed a work-out with J.
It was one of her exercise DVDs based on the HIIT (high intensity interval training) principle.
I use intervals in my workout a lot, whether it's running or whatever, so I thought I'd do well with this DVD.

Wrong.

I didn't do well, at all.
I did complete the workout but this is the thing.

First of all, it is not enough to warm-up for 4 minutes. 
I'm sure the people who have created this DVD are professionals but this just goes to show that not everything suits everyone.
For me, this is absolutely not enough. Okay, I understand if I'd be in a rush and I have to get a work-out in, or whatever. But I mean, I'm very happy to work-out, thanks! And it's not a huge priority "just to get it over with".
So note for the future - keep taking time for warming up.

Second. I like stretching other body parts than my legs.
Same thing really. 4 minutes to stretch. You've just put your body through quite a thing, you know! I mean, high intensity is HIGH intensity. So surely your body deserves more than 4 minutes to relax and wind down. Besides, there's so much more to stretching than the legs. But it was literally, all leg angles, and then, shake it off. What? What am I "shaking off"? What about the back and sides and arms and shoulders? Just, what?

HIIT is great, but make sure you understand how your blood-pressure works!
I'm one of the people who just has high blood-pressure. It loves getting sky-high and very quickly. So I need to work on maintaining a middle-to-high pulse rate. This is very individual for different people. Whatever it is, make sure you are aware of it. I'm still currently sat on my ass, trying to recover.

HIIT is awesome as part of working out. Intervals in general are great, high or medium intensity.

But please, give your body time to warm-up, make sure you then feel warmed up (especially if you live a sedentary life style), and then same with the cool down, to make sure you feel good before the workout, then have the power to push yourself and have a good hardcore workout and then to feel good again afterwards.

And as always, all I know is what I've done and tried myself.
I'm gonna go eat an orange.

And I hope you're having a lovely Monday!

Raise the pulse.
M.

sthlm

Reblogging these because they warm my heart.
And because I'm so going to visit STHLM very soon.

The other day, A. mentioned something about her "happy place".
And I decided that one of my very prominent happy places was following A. around the globe. Whether it's eating cheese in Zürich, or sitting on her floor in Basel, or sauna time in HEL, or crashing on her sofa, reciting soft porn and building furniture in STHLM.
Adventures, man. That's my happy place.

Nordic.
M.

a dying breed

Autumn in Tallinn. I haven't felt it in 6 years. And I have completely forgotten what it is like.
E. said the other day that it has been gradual. I literally woke up one morning and thought I had been smacked in the face with it.
It hits like a ton of bricks. But not solid bricks. But rather a ton of bricks that feel like a ton of clay mass, that you can't get rid of, or wash off, or anything. It's stuck to me, even when I sleep.
I wake up in the middle of the night, and think I'm cold.
And the worst part is, it makes me feel like I'm dying. Okay, not actually dying. Just the buzz or the excitement that I get during the summer, of just being and doing - I feel that dying.
The only, and I mean, THE ONLY thing I think I find appealing about autumn is the fact that Michael Bublé sounds divine. It just fits autumn. So it gets a point for that.

I like watching people. I was on the divine trolley-bus today, coming into town, and just watching people as the bus passed was so good. I was considering going round the town twice, just to see people.

A dying breed.
But maybe it's always been a dying breed.

These are strange times.
But then again, which times aren't?

I would like to love someone in Paris. In Paris, in an attic room, one autumn. Like in the operas, you know. Artists and attic rooms, and autumn, and leaves, and scarves, and markets, and candles.
I would like to love someone in Paris.
Now that would make an autumn.
M.