thurs

Hey, sweets!!

Yesterday I did some work things I had been postponing and it was fine, no angst no nothing!
So I really really am so pleased about this.

Had some awesome vegan lunch and then went to see the newest arrival of our female army.
MY BABY GOT HER BABY!
So I'm paying both of them a visit again today, this time, armed with sushi.

And I'm gonna carry on doing the work things, a little here, a little there.
No BIG mountains of work to climb, no hundred emails at a time, no hundred thoughts at a time.
Just, a little at a time.

Also, as I was walking yesterday to Bébé-ville, I realised how much time I truly spend just thinking about work things.
And how counter-productive this is.
As opposed to think about it, and then feel tired when I actually start doing the work, I should learn how to really switch off, and then when I work, I work.
True, this "work" of mine is my true true passion. But still, come on, enough is enough.

So that's what I got to yesterday.
Today the skies are grey but I'm pretty peaceful.
My sleep and dreams are calm lately so this helps a ton.


So - half of the week gone.
The week of sorting unfinished business.
Am I actually doing it?
Kind of, but should make more of this, I'll feel better after.

Peace out.
Love, always.M.

crow

I can't remember when this was exactly, but somehow the crow as a symbol appeared in my life.

Firstly, I really like the idea of totem animals.
Native Americans, according to my readings, don't have animals set in stone. For example, you are Pisces, you are Taurus.
But rather, your totem animal can arise out of a strong connection with a certain animal, both a positive connection, or potentially one of fear as well.
Either or, bottom-line remains - an animal that you could learn from.

And so, the wolf had made it's appearance in my life some time before.
I have absolutely no idea how this happened, largely because I've always been petrified by big dogs.
Like, to the point of crying.
Not all dogs though. I can judge and see their character really well, and it's the unpredictable ones I used to be completely terrified of.
So to this day I can't remember how the wolf made it's appearance, but it did.
And so the wolf became my own, personal totem animal.

Some time later the crow appeared.
AGAIN, a bird that I have never-ever felt anything for.
Birds in general.
I like the idea of flying, but anything other than that never existed.
But this is what I found out about the symbol of the Crow.
---

You can rest assure whenever crows are around, magic is near by and you are about to experience a change in consciousness. The crow can give you the courage to enter the darkness of the void, which is the home of all that is not yet in form.

The home of all that is 
not
yet
in
form

Things to come.

The striking black color of crow represents the color of creation. It is the womb out of which the new is born. Black the color of night gives birth to the light of a new day. Crow is a daytime bird reminding us that magic and creation are present in both. Their ability to shift between the known and unknown world indicates new journeys.

Crow is associated with magic, unseen forces and spiritual strength. If crow flies into your life, get out of your familiar nest, look beyond your present range of vision, listen to its caw and act accordingly.

It is the power of the unknown at work, and something special is about to happen. Crow can give you the courage to enter the darkness of the void, which is the home of all that is not yet in form.They are territorial and won't give up an area without a fight. They are loners, seeming to like to spend time to themselves.

If you have a crow as a totem, you need to be willing to walk your talk and speak your truth. You must put aside your fear of being a voice in the wilderness and "caw" the shots as you see them. Crow is an omen of change. If he keeps appearing to you he may be telling you that you have a powerful voice when addressing issues that you do not quite understand or feel that they are out of balance.

When you meet crow, he could be telling you that there will be changes in your life and that possibly you should step by the usual way you view reality and look into the inner realms …walk your talk…be prepared to let go of your old thinking and embrace a new way of viewing yourself and the world.

When you learn to allow your personal integrity to be your guide, your sense of feeling alone will vanish. Your personal will can then emerge so that you will stand in your truth. The prime path of true Crow people says to be mindful of your opinions and actions. Be willing to walk your talk, speak your truth, know your life’s mission, and balance past, present, and future in the now. Shape shift that old reality and become your future self.




http://anasopiah.blogspot.com/2009/02/crow-raven-wolf-totems.html


So.
The Crow.

Look for symbols, and look for the bits and pieces, you know.
There are so-so many interesting things in the universe to find.
Waiting for you, to find them.

Of course I'm not asking anyone to burn all the incense or not brush your teeth and live in a mud-hut, et cetera, et cetera.
But there are interesting things, for you to find.

Especially when you need some answers.

Yours truly.
M.

5 days

5 days non-blog.
5 days of some rehearsals, a lot of time in a library trying to find some music, which I found.
5 days of stressing about two gigs, and doing the two gigs, and them going well.

So in short all is well.
In some more detail, however, stuff's weird.
I still don't get where this weirdness is coming from.
It's boring to experience so I don't even know how boring it must be to read about it.
But as ever, everything is a work in progress, so I'm not despairing too much.

There's some things I need to do, and get done.
So I'll do that soon.

For now, I'm eating some cantarell mushroom pasta in Vapiano.
Seeing dad and the spanish one later.
Things need to be decided and I don't like deciding.
Note to self: make friends with decision-making.

I'll do my very very best not to disappear.

Peace out, lovely-ones.
M.

today

Today is a REALLY weird day.
Two simple reasons.
First of all, my cat's got some tooth drama, but to the extent that he's gonna have surgery today.
Those of you who might not know this, I love my cat. But not like, awwwwwwwwwwwwww ohhh cat baby. No. I mean, this cat is a ghetto blaster boss man. The last level boss. He runs the mafia, runs the town and he secretly runs your life.
Hence, I respect this kitty a whole bunch.

And because of this surgery he is not allowed to eat the entire day.
Now then.
My cat lives for food.
He eats anything from raisins to beef jerky and all the cat stuff in between.
And all I'm allowed to give him for 8 hours is water.
And I'm trying not to worry about the surgery.

Secondly.
I've got this conference thing coming up in a few hours.
It's for this school in Tallinn who host a conference via Skype, so they get all sorts of people around the world to encourage and inspire students, to study abroad, or just to follow their path, or choose a new one.
And I'm one of the people talking today.

So these two paired together make this day very, very weird.

Hooray for weird.
M.

doing things

Hey yo!
I'm doing things. Yay!
I mean, I've just set up a little work station in Vapiano, with my diary/note-book and my laptop, a latte and some biscuit thing.
And so I'm emailing people, and messaging people.
Hence, I'm doing things.
And also, I've been not doing things for so long. So I'm super happy.

And also looking for a good place where to go and finally get my drivers licence sorted.
Spring's coming.

And like Ricky Martin says, "let me undress your soul".
I mean, yes, Ricky. I hear ya.

The beat of the day is a great, great, ridiculous, and great song.

Happy Thursday, guys!
M.

goodnight

Today was SUPER (!!).
And last night was one big revelation. Like, huge. A huge revelation.

So highly highly significant times all around.
But I shall most probably elaborate on all this soon.

For now, I wish you a good night and peaceful sleep.
My cat is currently making an attempt to physically climb onto me, to get comfy.

And tomorrow it's time to carry on this great new-found energy.
Praise the heavens, it was about time.

With love.
M.

control

Okay.

Right now I'm going to make a promise to myself.
And it is pretty simple.

I will never ever again let things grow over my head. 

I will stay on top of the little things, the communicating, and talking, to seeing, the telling.
And I will not let myself bury myself under this pile of stuff, that otherwise would be nice and/or exciting.

The wave is the same.
It is up to me to ride it, or get crushed under it.

I will stay on top. 
M.

singing

So.
I use this blog as my personal wall space.
If I could actually use the 4 walls in my room, and write on those, I would. But that would be a bit annoying afterwards.
So I use this as my personal space where I blurt out whatever needs blurting out.
And this has helped me a lot, in terms of getting clarity and staying on top.

So now I thought, if I've managed to help myself through this blog, why not see whether I could do the same in terms of singing. This won't mean loads of technical boring stuff. But rather more of the same, but with a singing angle.
Singing for me is the most psychologically charged subject matter. I think it's partly because I started singing so young and kind of grew up judging myself. So now, whenever I sing I can just feel that voice in the back of my head start to criticise again. Criticism is good. But not when all you do is just bash yourself in the face with it.

Cause I do worry a little, about my singing stuff. The line between working on actual issues but then just steering away from hard work is so thin I think. But I might apply my workout logic with this: "If it's hard, to more of it."

I'll see how this goes, or doesn't.M.
My absolute favourite 'work' photo of me, ever. Ever.
And the second one is a bunch of flowers that this old man gave me after one of my summer concerts. These simple simple flowers were just so sincere and therefore, a photo of them.

repeat

I think this is the first time I'm going to re-post something.
But I was going through some old posts, and this just popped up, and cheered me up.
Not that I particularly needed cheering up even.
It was just there, and so right. And I read it through, and decided I must re-post this.

With love.
M.



As long as there is the sea. The beautiful, beautiful, unforgettable, indescribable, beautiful sea. 
As long as there is sauce to talk about. Plenty of sauce.
As long as we have our health. 
As long as we will not say “no” to everything the universe has got to offer. 
As long as there is all this, it simply must be okay.



As long as there are iced coffees down by the harbour.
As long as there is someone to talk to.
As long as the summers will come again.
As long as there are books, and music.
As long as there's sand in your shoes and a map.
As long as there champagne and skinny dips.
As long as there is CHANCE, for whatever.
As long as there is room to breath and room to change.
As long as there are roots.
As long as there is strength to keep feeling.
The Devil (still) does not play fair.
But if we take a chance every now and then, we might throw him off. M.